No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Date: November 14th-24th, 2017

Type: CE4, Dreams
Location: Los Angeles, CA, 90023
Time of Incidents: N/A 
Attempted Time of Sleep: N/A
State of Mind Before: Stressed, Depressed (Me)/In Pain, Sad, Anxious (Aunt)
State of Mind After: Extremely Depressed, Apathy, Fed Up, Bothered (Me)/Very Sad, Depressed, Stressed, In Pain (Aunt)
Odd occurrences before: Insomnia, Anxiety, Wolfbrother, CE4 Rape
Odd occurrences after: Anxiety, PTSD, Overwhelming Stress and Depression

I loathe the holidays, for some it is a time of great joy and for others it is a time of great pain. This year has been the worse ever for me. As I have mentioned my Wolfbrother has come back into my life because he simply remember I existed and wanted to benefit from my generous nature. Since my contact with him, I have done my best to be understanding...but he hates the fact the he loves me. He has made numerous homosexual slurs to me, has taken back almost every gift he gave me, tried to kiss me twice, burned my arm with a cigarette, thrown thirty dollars worth of cigarettes out the window, almost got me a ticket for tossing things out of my car, caused me to have an anxiety attack with his behavior, forbade from making contact with his family, walked off from me trying to walk home because "something was wrong in heaven", thrown our wolf rings out and insists we get new silver roped bands, he tells me kind things and then reverses them, he takes and takes...... he even called the police on me today for 10-56a.

Last weekend he stayed over, even though he insisted that he would never do that again. I had to spend $60 on pajamas, bedding, and toiletries for him, not to mention the money on cigarettes and dinner and a movie. As usual I was kind to him and did my best to make him happy..... however he was not pleased when he had to go home due to an emergency. That seemed to be a warning of the horrible things yet to come....even though there was some very bad extraterrestrial activity that weekend.

The very next day things took a turn for the worse....a blood relative stopped by to harass us. The last time I saw this person was over 5 years ago....they were drunk and yelled at me outside for three hours. I let them get the alcohol out of there system so they could drive home. He called me a faggot, made tons of accusations against me, and deeply cut an emotional bond I had with him with the things he said and meant. Apparently my blood relative are vultures and only appear when someone dies, then they remember that my aunt has "value" and circle around pecking at us to see if we are dead or not. That is when I have to growl and fight them off. Apparently the individual who is an "child abuser", that is my uncle to put it lightly passed away of cancer. My aunt and I have repeated told these abusive people to leave us alone for the pat 17 years. It has been a consistent message from us... to stop the cycle of abuse that my blood relatives seem to enjoy. To get away from these people I have done everything in my power to get away from these abusive individuals. My "Cousin" harassed my aunt and myself that Tuesday, she makes the mistake of trying to talk to these people and then getting emotional. Since they have accused me of manipulating here and controlling her I have to step outside of the room unless she calls. She had also found out that two of her other relative have died, and no one made a verifiable way to contact her. Further my drunk imbecilic cousin admitted to killing his own mother threw negligence on his part. Instead of calling 911 or taking her to the hospital, he simple called a Kaiser Facility to send an ambulance...which arrived 3 hours later. He murder my great aunt...and they are only 3 minutes away from a hospital. As one can imagine this sent my aunt in to a lot of emotional anguish.

Of course I informed my wolfbrother of the situation, but in his mental state....he may or may not give a "flying fuck" as he would say. He ignored my texts, I had hope I could have my friend to talk to. Over the next week I did my best to get my aunt back to a happy place. There was an incident in which "they" appeared and freaked out our canine companion. "They" also appeared to my aunt, and there was a conversation with me about something they insisted I do, but I was being assertive and standing my ground. My aunt and I did not sleep that night, and I admit the next couple of night I have not been able to sleep....I been in a daze. Its not good. My wolfbrother also told me last year that this year we would be together for Thanksgiving, that we would be spending it together. That was one of the only happy moments I looked forward to. As can be expected things went horribly wrong.

That Thanksgiving morning we were okay, my aunt was watching the Macy's parade and I was relative "ok" as can be. However I made the mistake of picking up my phone as I though one of my aunt's friend was calling to wish her a happy thanksgiving. It was another unwelcome "Blood Relative" from the abyss. He harassed my aunt just like the other, he had gotten a detective on me to find out my number, further more he made more accusations against me of isolating my aunt and not properly taking care of her. Again, we have repeatedly told these people to LEAVE US ALONE. They have been physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive to us for the past 40+ years! As can be expected this left my aunt in anguish and sent me spiraling into my own turmoil. The one thing I had left to salvage things was my wolfbrother. I had made arrangements with his mom to take them shopping if needed, plus I had hoped he would remember that we were supposed spend the evening together...... instead the conversation went south. He intended for me to picking him and stay over with me till Wednesday. "I told him it is not a good time as I am at the end of my rope right now.". Without asking what was wrong, he hung up on me. I texted him "Thanks for abandoning me too" and "so much for time travel". I let him know briefly that my blood relatives had cause some major problems His mom was also texting me that he was being a little "needy" insisting she pick him up and go shopping now over and over. He called me one more time saying "Awww you have no family or friend who love you" and hung up. To me it sounded as he was taunting me. I just focused on that if his mom needed me I would be there for her. The entire day was horrible, my aunt got sick and was shaking. I myself was doing my best to stay calm.

And if things could not get any worse..... the next day my water main broke. Currently we have no water.
I let his mom know of the situation that I wouldn't be able to do anything today and would update her. It has been a long hard day. I did damage control and we contacted a neutral blood relative outside the U.S., my aunt felt better and we hope that we at least had are case heard. My Wolfbrother's mom let me know she had a great day with her family, which I was very happy for her and hope her visit helped with him.  At around 9:00pm I received a weird call from Northridge. I reverse phoned it and seems it was LAPD. I assumed it was a wrong number since no voice message, about 20 minutes later two officers showed up at my home asking if I was "OK" and that my wolfbrother had made a call. I let them know he had problems and probably called out of revenge, they could verify my statement with his parent. They were not interested and walked off.

At this point I am just numb.......I am beyond hurt..... I am exhausted.....about to face another major expense...bills are due...... and I have to fight alone against my horrible blood relatives who are coming to harass us within a few weeks.

Oh...and to top it all off...."They" want to take me permanently away soon.... basically I am some sort of battery and want to use me. Yeah so....things are awesome. There is no solace for me..... I can't even find fake comfort in Craigslist cause everyone is on PREP, 420 friendly, PNP, HIV?, and want generous individuals to pay them for their time.....  
   

Rape by my Wolfbrother and Waking Up Again and Again with a Mantis

Date: November 12th, 2017

Type: CE4 Rape
Location: Los Angeles, CA, 90023
Time of Incidents: 1:00am - 2:00am 
Attempted Time of Sleep: 12:30 am
State of Mind Before: Stressed (Me)/In Pain, Anxious (Aunt)/Happy, Focused, Anxious (Wolfbrother)
State of Mind After: Very, Very Depressed, Bothered (Me)/Very Sad, In Pain (Aunt)/Happy, Focused, Anxious (Wolfbrother)
Odd occurrences before: Insomnia, Anxiety, Kidney Issues, Wolfbrother, Magic Cigarette
Odd occurrences after: Anxiety, PTSD, Rape

This is the second night my wolf brother was staying over the house. The previous night was interesting as he was very happy and tried to be "friendly with me". The day went as can be expected at times, but we ended up seeing "Thor Ragnarok". He seemed to have a good time, but I kept going back and forth and honestly it felt like a "theater scenario:... I was not sure if I was all there. I remember watching the film but until the night I am not sure what happened. Looking over and retracing my steps I think when we drove home...I wasn't here. I am aware of certain things but it is confusing till I am laying in the auxiliary cubby. From the notes I think "a Version of Ryan and I" did real magic....it was a minor cantrip....but we did do something! However something happened before we tried going to sleep in which I ended up in the auxiliary cubby.

Incident 1
I remember laying there in the cubby. I had made my bed and the lights were off. I was thinking to myself "How did I get here? I was just watching the movie with my wolfbrother. Wait was that a Theater Scenario? If the lights are off....how can I see everything?" I panic and I wake up.

I am in the cubby. It is dark. I remember the dream? Why am I in the cubby. I hear my wolfbrother snore, it is from the cigarettes I assume. I think about the situation with "Dom".....if I am in he cubby and my wolfbrother is snoring that means..... I wake up.

I am in the cubby. I am confused and I try to remember the year. I am not with Dom. That was long ago. I am not with Dom, its 2017.... I am with.... I am with nobody. I am alone. Why am in the cubby? I start to panic, it is quite and dark....I start calling out to my wolfbrother and cry. I wake up.

I am in the cubby. My wolfbrother is staying over, he hates me. That is why I am in the cubby. He hates me because he loves me. I feel stupid for crying out to him and saying that I love him, he could have heard me and he would be mad at me even more. I toss and turn and notice I have a Soshomaru figurine in my hand.
Again it is supposed to be dark, but I can see as if the lights are on. The figure reminds me of how humans are so cruel, that I am alone. I start to break down. This is when my wolfbrother comes over. Although I bought him new PJs, he was wearing his old ones with no shirt and his long hair. He came over and cuddle with me. I ask out of confusion and surprise "What are you doing?". He replies "I love you, but I can't, but I will, so I won't, don't you see?". My wolbrother puts his forehead to mine and says "I love you, you are mine and will always be until I don't want you around?" and kisses me. He then exposes his crotch and shoves my face down there. I tell him that I genuinely love him, we don't have to have sex. He looks at me an says "It is not a problem, only if you want to I will". Without my getting a word edgewise he begins to skullfuck me, shoving his member in my mouth and forcing me to sodomize him. I get a brief moment and say "No, not like this. I love you", my wolfbrother replies "You have to because I love you, but I will never LOVE YOU because you can't". Half-way through this my wolfbrother pulls out and blows his load on my clothes. I think "what a waste, that is the best part", and my wolbrother seems to have heard that. He then pulls his head toward to me meeting eye to eye and says "I shouldn't have done that. I been with many beings. I may have given you something". I tell him "I love you and we will work it out. We always do". My wolfbrother looks at me and says "Ok lets fuck now. I shouldn't, but I want to, but I can't but I will, so i won't". I reply if it will satisfy your conscious, just dry hump me. He starts to do so and I say "No matter what I will always love you completely. That is why it is okay". He looks at me again and says "Either take you clothes off or put new ones on. I just showered".  I take them off an I am embarrassed. My wolfbrother looks deeply into my eyes and says "I love You". I realize that it is not true.... none of this is by our choice. They made me love you, my wolfbrother is soooooo cruel, how is any of this love awake or here? Why did they make me want to take care of you. This has happened before. The smell. He is the closest they got, the original, the one that works. However I choose this because even though they made me, I do love him. He starts to make out with me and we make love....I think we are making love or is it just a biological need? I love him. Yet he does not love me?

I wake up in the cubby. I realize something really bad has happened....this is not right. I can still feel and smell him on me. I lay there for a few minutes. Again I am aware I can see everything, but it should be dark.

Incident 2
This continues directly for Incident 1, but is classified desperately because my aunt can verify what happens.
I wake up in the cubby trying to process the strange romantic involvement with my wolfbrother. Was it real? It is dark, but I can see clearly. My canine friend is crying so I step out into the hall and check. I then go to my aunt's room and she says there is something in the bathroom. I see a brown mantis walking out of the bathroom. Before anything can happen I say "No you don't. You will stay in this perspective that I see". It seems upset that it cannot manifest as it wanted. I pick it up and show my aunt and ask "Is this the thing that keeps bothering you?"...she become hysterical and say "Yes. take IT away!!!". I walk on over to the bathroom and find a glass bowl and put it over its head. I notice that the chitin is off, and is a metallic sheen and remind me of armor. I turn on the water and puts its head under and say "How do you like this when you interrogate huh. Not so insightful now?". I then power up the bowl and shake the mantis back and forth saying "Oh lets scan your brain and see how it works. Lets see how much you can take. Any of this sound familiar to you yet?". After a few minutes it goes limp. O place it on a silver triangle which encapsulates in cellophane like resin. I bring it to show my wolfbrother, but he is already conversing with another me. Another me take it and starts to examine it instead of giving it to my wolfbrother. My wolfbrother begin yelling at all of us saying "You are not allowed. You are supposed to OBEY ME. You are not supposed to know how to do that!" A fourth version of me shows up and walks up to my wofbrother and says "You need to stop doing this. We are companions. I do not need titles, and there is nothing you can offer me what I already don't have. All you do is take and take." My wolfbrother is upset and says "OBEY ME NOW!!!" That version of me says "No. You are my soulmate and my twinflame. These aspects of yours are out of control and not your fault. We work together as one, side by side." He hugs my wolfbrother and things seem to be better. This assertive version of me look to the rest of us an says. "You will remember. Do not lose sight of him. We will re-establish. No matter what always love Wolfbrother."

Incident 3
I wake up again in the cubby. I am aware of what just happened the past couple of times. Keep waking up in this cubby. I should be on the otherside with wolfbrother. I know he raped me and that there was a mantis in my aunt's room. My mouth is dry and tingly. I look over to make sure my wolfbrother is really here. I look over and instantly get the feeling "Wrong Wolfbrother. Wrong You. Wrong Room. Major mix-up". I get scared and run to check on my aunt, she is asleep in her bathroom on the chair naked. Something is wrong. How did she get in her I think and I see how. The tile in the bathroom has been moved. There is a tunnel and there are ant sized grey walking along. This tunnel leads under the house and to my bathroom as well. They stop and look up. I hear in my head "HE KNOWS. HE IS SUPPOSED TO BE A SLEEP!" They panic. I quickly run to the other room to tell my wolfbrother, but he is already awake talking to another version of himself all dressed in white. He tells the other version of himself "Make sure all of them are completely bonded to you. We can't afford to lose any of them." I start to back away, but regular wolfbrother starts to use his scent on me. He tells me that he loves my and I will submit. Other wolfbrother says "You are all my property and I will do with you as I wish. You have no idea how much you are worth and what you are truly capable of. You are mine and mine alone!". I reply "You are not really my wolfbrother". The other wolfbrother says "You know what is going on and you know who I am?".

I wake up for reals this time. My Wolfbrother awoke and went to the bathroom and my aunt begins to bang on the wall. I am shaken and I go see her. She tells me that a brown bug came into her room the size of a person with long arms. I asked her what type of an insect, she says it was an ant, but the other ones...and I asked you mean a mantis like from kung fu panda and she said yes. I begin to go over everything and write stuff down. I try to tell my wolfbrother and he seems not to care. He just says..."yeah. something happened. Will take about it or won't, but you will tell me". I am bothered by my aunt and his cryptic response.

Markings and More, Wolves come to Save Us

Date: November 10th-11th, 2017

Type: CE4
Location: Los Angeles, CA, 90023
Time of Incidents: 2:00pm - 4:00pm 
Attempted Time of Sleep: 11/11/17 (1:00am)
State of Mind Before: Stressed (Me)/In Pain, Anxious (Aunt)/Happy, Focused, Anxious (Wolfbrother)
State of Mind After: Very, Very Depressed, Bothered (Me)/Very Sad, In Pain (Aunt)/Happy, Focused, Anxious (Wolfbrother)
Odd occurrences before: Insomnia, Anxiety, Kidney Issues, Wolfbrother
Odd occurrences after: Anxiety, PTSD

My Wolfbrother called me in the morning and asked for me to pick him up. All I intended to do was drop off his presents and talk with him. When we meet he was very happy and let me inside the house, he seemed more content and focused and I was happy that there was improvement. He wanted to go for short drive so we could talk so we headed to "Site B", after this I had to get gas and he wanted to explore Michael Keaton's where abouts. It seems Michael Keaton has a base along the old highway, a closed highway. As we drove to it the gate was open, it was odd. We drove as far as we could passing a biker and a jogger. We encountered to markers. The road was in bad shape and I was worried for my vehicle. With my Wolfbrother though by my side we pressed on as far as we could go. As we were exploring and talking, it seems I stepped onto a "Fire Ant" hill. This is where things begin to get odd, as number one the Fire Ants did not attack, perhaps a total of 30-40 of them swarmed n my person. Second, the one that were on me seemed "dead", as I cleared them from my legs, chest, and arms many seemed to have died? I did not have a single bite. When we headed back to his house he wanted to go home, home with me...and as I said for some reason I cannot refuse him. This bothered me as I was conflicted, my mind said one thing and yet my body was doing something else. I was compliant and happy to do so, the ride back to Los Angeles was quite as he had asked and I was content but monitoring. I do not understand why I can function like that, doing to things as such. We had some food, but I was cutting back and only had a bowl of rice. I made sure he had a full meal. As we were sitting down, more fire ants had appeared. I checked my shoes, and dusted my self off thoroughly, but there were additional fire ants just walking about me. When we finished and left the restraunt
I got rid of my shirt and again dusted myself off as there were still ants. There were no bites.

We had are usual discussions and sadly he took things from me again. This hurt alot as he took back the collar, and claimed my dragon pendant and refused the pocket watch. I am very hurt by this and he doesn't understand the choice he has made by doing this. He says he knows what he is doing, and admitted that it was a mistake to get rid of me. He wants to re-forge what he threw away. New rings..... nothing eventful happened this night.

When I woke up though I had six/twelve markings on my body as shown above. As I said the fire ants did not  bit me, but I had two red dots an inch away from my elbows, knees, and ankles and they were symmetrical. There were no other markings. At first I thought these were fire ant bites, but they were inconsistent with known examples. There was a slight irritation.

Important: During the time of this writing my aunt (11/21/17) had a very bad nightmare/panic attack during the day around 11:30am. She was yelling for me to RUN. Apparently they had comeback and told her that they will be taking me away, they needed me. My aunt recalls my grandparents coming and telling them to leave us alone and this was their house. The beings told them, you have no say in this. They indicated that my aunt was usable, but not ideal. However, they want me and will eventually be able to take me.

My aunt was non-responsive during her 4 minute rambling until I started to "howl". When I began to howl she started to calm down, she realized it was me because of the wolves...because I was calling for I am a wolf. This means somethings.

What cause you to Howl?

Date: November 21st, 2017
Type: CE4
Location: Los Angeles, CA, 90023
Time of Incidents: 1:30 am - 5:30am 
Attempted Time of Sleep: 1:30am
State of Mind Before: Anxious (Sebas)/Focused, Analytical (Me)/Nervous, Sad, Anxious (Aunt)
State of Mind After: Anxious (Sebas)/Bothered (Me)/Scared, Anxious (Aunt)
Odd occurrences before: CE4 activity, Wolfbrother
Odd occurrences after: Wolfbrother

First off the past two week have been problematic. A major event occur last week, yet I have been unable to archive it. I have it ready but do not seem to ever get to it. My Wolfbrother is involved, and he has altered his behavior patterns to re-include me into his life as before in a similar capacity, so he stayed over for 4 Days. During the 4 days activity spiked up once again, however also the past issues.

Yesterday there was an issue when I was relaxing and finishing up "Westworld" the TV series. As my Wolfbrother had pointed out there are things being show that are resonating. The concept of the hosts and their evolution bothered me on a deep level. The concept of predestination and whether or not my fate has been re-written, and how I have seemingly done this before. I started to realize something, "my plants and the rabbit". I had seen where they are supposed to be before.... I planted them. Like in other cases I have a sense of knowing what something is supposed to be as if "I already know".  Even when planting I already knew where they were going.... yesterday I had my own flashback....

The plants were part of a "scenario", something was buried under them and someone was digging through them. That is what made me look and pay attention, someone had dug up the plants and I remembered.
I had seen this. Odd thing is when I planted the plants there was nothing there underneath, no hidden treasure or anything. So what was that all about?

Last night was marked by lots of activity though, most of it was around Sebas. After I watched a bit of Teen Wolf I decided to go to bed an concentrate on my involvement with my Wolfbrother. As I was laying there I began to hear Sebad have a nightmare and went to check on him. He was half-asleep and walked to me and wanted me to pet him. I picked him up and craddled him in my arms. I checked on my aunt who was still awake. She was nervous. After I checked the house I put him to be and went back to sleep.

I fell asleep quickly which is unusual, I was talking to a number of people and having an intense conversation. I was laying on a table with my eyes closed, but conversing with a group. We were discussing my Wolfbrother, myself, and what I am. I was trying to make a point and was being very assertive, that is when I woke up because Sebas began to "Howl". My aunt at this time said something had entered here room, a dark figure that went directly to here bathroom. The time was 3:10am.... I got up and checked. Sebas was agitated for the next hour or so and would not sleep,  likewise there was something going on. "People" were walking outside, there were knock on the walls, and I could hear the faint murmur of voices in my head. I stayed with my aunt until 4:30 in her room with Sebas waiting.

We agreed that something was off, there was another presence in the house

Issues of Control: A Starseed Agenda

In the past few days I have been seriously pondering something that I have noticed as a pattern. I have recounted previously that I believe that I have been modified by entities of an unknown origins aka "aliens".  When I was still in my mother's womb, she was being visited by beings and monitored. As I was growing up there was something off about me, and we later found out that I have a malrotated kidney that has caused all sorts of metabolic issues. The other odd thing is that it seems that there may have been a twin brother,
as I was being replaced back and forth as I grew up. I was also being visited still and I have no idea what their true agendas where.

Now when I was around 18-23 I guess I was introduced to a young kid during my scenarios. I was told to protect him, provides for him, and guide him. That was my role. It was like having a kid brother..... and I was engineered to be there caretaker and mentor. I was made to be more compliant an susceptible to the needs of an other engineered being. The individual I was paired up with was human like myself, but modified. For the years I interacted with the individuals, it was to see how far I would go and do for the individual. I would eventually meet the individual I was paired up with again.

In my early thirties I meet the first of a series of "modified humans" that are part of an experiment I believe to test our biological compliance and subservience too. It uses mental conditioning by making a unique "social bond" and I think a certain pheromone. Now the individual that I met is named Adam and he was from Florida. He like the others is a child of the 80's. When he met me there was an instant and instinctual bond. My behavior to this stranger was compliant to fulfill his needs in helping him cope with his anxiety. He was to me like a little brother in need of someone to hold him. For the next few days and times I associated with him, a certain behavior just switched when we were together. I had no romantic interest, but that social dynamic of me being there for him as a "big brother" was there. Adam claims to have experience with certain entities throughout his childhood. He knew he was different.

Year's later the second individual entered my life, Dom. Though Adam just appeared one day via a mutual friend, Dom was announced by direct contact with my "entities". I was told that I would receive a gift that would make me happy. I was to care and provide for their "Starseed". Like Adam, Dom was a child of the 80's and was from Indiana. Dom was no where near the type of individual I would associate with. The entities attempted to overlay us so I would be more sympathetic to him, but I am defective. However there was that
sense of compliance with Dom, again it felt instinctual and there was that conflict where I knew I should say no...but there was that something that pulled me to say yes. There was a lot of direct involvement with the "entities" and eventual Dom was phased out. I was told there would be another, but do to the whole event I was just glad that this was all over.

Two years later, the third individual appeared. My Wolfbrother. It was another instant and instinctual resonance between us.  Furthermore it felt as if we already knew each other. As time went on I realized he was the same individual I encountered when I was 18-23. During the past two years we have had some very intense experiences. Recently his behaviors have shown forth a link between Adam and Dom, and him. I recognize the sent and similar patterns. There has been some major issues, and despite logic when it comes to him it seems I am unable to help myself. They have been also exploit this for their advantage now, but I am still "defective".

It seems that there is some sort of experiment that has went on in the 80's and 70's, that has tried to figure out if they can make someone subservient to someone else. There is definitely some manipulation with a pheromone that I am receptive to that all three seemed to have. Also I think that they can identify me as a "provider", they have been engineered to see individuals like me out and they we are monitored to see how we interact with one another. No my theory as to why this is done is perhaps linked to the issue of hybrids. How does one make someone accept something that is foreign? Many animals become compliant through scent and "social bonding". You can hard wire it so someone becomes more compliant. Perhaps that is what has gone one?  

Speaking in Light

The incident a few years back with an announcement meant for my wolfbrother was revisited. The being who shouted at my in various languages was just the focal point of that event. There was a little more before and after. There was a purple mass with a red floating triangle light before all this began. During the time I was expression frustration of  "Why tell me", "The Light Lies", "I don't speak color", and "I am not purple".
They kept insisting "I was purple". The only thing I could make reference to this was the whole mix up between me and my wolfbrother. The image above has stuck in my mind of this other being that was there before I was bought before the herald of the council.

The day that I came to this revaluation a number of bad things happened around us. Certain individual in real life showed up, and there were odd things walking about scaring my aunt. A lot of activity happened. What is worse I been trying to get evidence of this occurring while I am in "event". Trying to record audio during a session with my Wolfbrother, trying to get proof and show that he needs help still to bring him back. 

Sadly I am more depressed and listless. My insomnia is in full swing and my heart aches.

Dream 1 11/6/2017
I was taking care of my aunt in the room. Helping her bathe and for some reason my brother was there. It wasn't my brother though, but someone who seemed to indicate he was my relation. He had a similar mannerism to me which is unlike anything blood relative has. I was very annoyed by this as I did not know who he was or why he was here, I did not know of his intentions. I got my aunt out of the bath and helped her as usually and then placed her on the bed. It seems I was instructing this supposedly sibling on how to care for my aunt. Apparently I would be leaving soon. I was getting frustrated as I had an appointment with an old fried, she had bought tickets for me and I had to get ready myself and leave. For just a moment I asked about my wolfbrother, if he was going too. That is when a being from behind the television asked about my wolfbrother. It wonder why I still care. The being was a very slender and pale female with white skin, a large head and long black hair with red lipstick. It almost looked very comical as reminded me of a big white ballon with a painted face of a lady, with red lipstick, real black long hair and eyes..except it was some being. I began to explain that my wolfbrother is my wolfbrother, and I was beginning to get angry.
I am so sicked and tried of these games, the whole issue with my wolfbrother, the fact that he hates me and things have all gone wrong. That I am alone.

Things suddenly switched over to a church orphanage. It was the same facility I was at last time,  I recognized the exterior. It was the one my wolfbrother was being kept at. It put my head down in sadness. Then a man asked "I heard you have been writing stories. You have already met others such as "A" & "J".
We have been watching you know". At this point I was picking up some dice and books that seemed to had been discard on the floor before me. Someone had walked by and dropped them and left. As I picked up the dice and flipped through some of the books I simply asked "Where is my wolfbrother, we are supposed to be together".
A man, someone who seemed like a priest walked up and said that the pastor would like a word with me. A gentleman was here to see myself and my wolfbrother. I looked up and followed the priest inside the facility. It was wood and stone, smelled of frankincense, and had velvet carpets. There was a thin man wearing black slacks, white long sleave shirt, black suspenders, a dark hat, and black cloves. He had a styled goatee and mustache. The oddest thing was the sparkle of color coming of his chest. It was like a Zoot Suit  guy with no coat, with colorful lens flair and glitter on his chest. He greeted me and the pastor was there, the Pastor said that my wolfbrother was asking for me this time. I was needed to "calm" him down, I began to tell him to wait as "I  needed my wolfbrother to come back with me". The Zoot Suit guy asked "So how do you like the things we set up for you. Your have your games back. Are you happy". I answered back, "I am enjoying the diversion my only concern is for my Wolfbrother". The Zoot Suit guy said, "You already know what we are and where we are. I need you brother out as well". I interjected strongly "My wolfbrother". He continued, "Yes. You see you and he are need. I need to speak with him. I need the key you have with you." I looked at him and asked "Who are you". He looked at me and I saw a cross amidst the sparkles and he said "One of the good guys". That is when one of the kids ran past me and breathed into the Zoot Suit guys face. He immediately sat down and was paralyzed. The young boy looked like an grey skinned scraggly goblin. It communicated to him "You no talk. You no sneak in. You are ours. He is ours. You no talk", and then pulled a lever closing the area off with an iron grate. I noticed many other of the kids walking about in patient robes. The Zoot suit guy was coughing and trying to stand up. I leaned over and said "I am with key, but do not have the key. It is not an object and "they" took it from me. It is still with me as that is my name...that can't change that". I leaned over and whispered into his ear, "My wolfbrother. Free him. Return him". I turned and began to lift the metal gate to leave. One of the grey goblin came and pulled it down and communicated "YOU NO LEAVE" and walked away. I lifted the gate anyway and walked outside. They are all manipulating me and my wolfbrother, we just want to be free of all of this..   

Door Pops Open

Date: November 3rd, 2017
Type: Dream, CE4
Location: Los Angeles, CA, 90023
Time of Incidents: 4:00 am - 5:00am 
Attempted Time of Sleep: 6:30am
State of Mind Before: Very Depressed, Analytical (Me)/In Pain, Anxious (Aunt)
State of Mind After: Very, Very Depressed, Bothered (Me)/Very Sad (Aunt)
Odd occurrences before: Insomnia, Anxiety, Kidney Issues, Wolfbrother
Odd occurrences after: Anxiety, PTSD

My mind keeps going over what my Wolfbrother has said when he visited me. The literally claims he has made, the dismissive nature of my personal being, and the involvement of them. It is odd that despite what he has re-envisioned, the narrative is still the same. He said that he had found out from sources (them) that I was bit of an asshole and had an attitude, I would dare look upon the face of God and not bend my knee. In other words, I am "Defective" for not being compliant and I wander.

The past few nights my Insomnia  has been in "High Gear", and I am attributing to anxiety and PTSD. As I mentioned this past year has shaken me on many levels. I am not sure if I am at the breaking point, there are so many fractures and my attempts of keeping myself together has made me numb to some obvious warnings signs that most people would be aware of. However, I am not like most people and operate far differently at times.

This morning I tried everything to fall asleep....but I drift back and forth, sometimes laying there for hours just thinking. I use what techniques I know to attempt to relax me, but I am somewhat hyper-vigilant. Activity spikes here and now, the voices and the usual knocks, pops, and door openings. Last nights something was attempting to speak to me again, and was being shown a heads up display. It was not as clear as it was previously, it was grey and had a lot of "snow". As it is I was running interference, and commented on what I was on about khyber crystals and other types? It was confused over what I was pondering about. Around 4:30am my bedroom door popped open. I felt several presences, but nothing visual. The odd thing was that the door popping open.....my aunt heard it too and when I examined the door it was open.

She said that "things" were moving about the living room and kitchen again. She was scared, but what could she do? 

Eye Doctors and the Ocean

Date: November 1st, 2017
Type: Dream, CE4
Location: Los Angeles, CA, 90023
Time of Incidents: 8:00 am - 11:00am 
Attempted Time of Sleep: 7:30am
State of Mind Before: Very Depressed, In Pain,  Analytical (Me)/In Pain, Anxious (Aunt)
State of Mind After: Very, Very Depressed, bothered (Me)/Very Sad (Aunt)
Odd occurrences before: Insomnia, Anxiety, Kidney Issues, Wolfbrother
Odd occurrences after: Kidney Issues, Anxiety, PTSD

Dream 1
I was walking around the house at night making sure things were safe. It was very early in the morning before sunrise. While I was in the living room, I had door open since it was hot. I noticed something wrong, felt it. The wind began to pick up and I knew it was them. They were coming. The wind blew so very hard and the lights were there. I did my best to hold the door close and secure it.I ran to my aunt's room to see if she was okay. There was a being floating above here. It looked like a wide golden tiki mask. I told it to leave.
Lights were trying to target here and get a fix, through the window.
I ran to my grandmother's room to see if she was okay. The lights were trying to fix on here. wait she is dead....who is this in my room. Not my grandmother! I close the door. A fat brown  dachshund is running scarred in the hallway toward my aunt. Fuzki was not fat, who are you? When I get yo the center of the hallway the lights intensify to my left through the backdoor my my comes in. From the living room, my evil aunt and some dog on a leash barges in. I yell "Get out of here" and I am furious they are here.

Dream 2
I am driving along the 605/210 area. We are following someone, are caravan of cars. They are going to the secret place. We missed it, we are off course again. The driver is trying to get back. Unable to turn around. Going to the wrong place. I am supposed to go with Wolfbrother, don't leave me again.

Dream 3
"There you go. All fixed", a nurse tells me. I was in for an eye exam, to adjust things. The others tell me to go put my clothes on. I am being made fun of by the other males nurses. I hate it here. They are so mean, they make fun of me for various reasons from being gay to not being enough of a man.
As I walk out I am told to see the receptionist. She is an older white woman, with faded blonde hair. She gives me some old fashioned candy and popcorn.
She tells me not to listen to those guys. I am a perfect gentleman, plus I am the only one that appreciates the old candy. I tell her that I miss the days of the old confectioneries, when candies were like jewels and they put more effort to it. When Saltwater Taffy was a thing. She was surprised of my knowledge and blushed. She didn't realize how old I really was, and was glad that I had such fond memories of the good ole days. She told me when she was younger she worked as a confectioner, and said "Thank you". She then escorted me out the door, but I was look for my Wolfbrother.

Dream 4
I arrive with my aunt at a house by the ocean. The house's den was on the lower side of the house on the shore. It was a cliff, the house was built in. The den was like an observation room, with a high pressure window that could withstand the waves. The high tide was coming in.
We haven't been here in ages, and I don't recall the family having an ocean house. My aunt says she has been here many times and doesn't like this room. They are going to take her away. I begin to comment on the poor location. The waves are not the issue but flotsam and creature thrown into the surf are. We are suddenly underwater. I close the window that was cracked open. We are moving no into the sea.
This is not a house after all. "They" are here above me.

(Dream 4 is more disturbing. My aunt has a nightmare. When she was little and they would go out to the beach, she would be place on an inner tube. In the dream she was in the inner tube, and she was slowly being taken out to sea by a being standing on the water. It told her "It is time to come with us again. Don't be afraid". How is it we had the same dream about an ocean and drifting off? Nothing would have referenced that for us...)

Wolfbrother Returns and Goes for the Throat

The past month has been quite eventful. My "Wolfbrother" who walked off has returned, so to say.
He decided he wants me back in his life. Details are currently sketchy right now. The only thing I really know is that he is safe, and is still north of me. He doesn't want to talk about what happen, but the little that he has shared with me is on par with what I know.

I did have a chance to meet with him, he has returned back to the same size I remember him. He seemed happy to see me. Things didn't go wrong until a few hours. Where it seemed it back slid, or as it was put "Something is Wrong in Heaven".

While conversing with me he noted that many of the groups we dealt with are still involved. Apparently he has control over them, but doesn't want to talk about them as "aliens". Although he seems to wan me near, he also hates me. He has done his best to knock out the natural resonance. He no longer wishes for us to be wolfbrothers, has had me recant some things such as the mirror, took back a gift he gave me, and lastly tossed the wolf ring away. He also instructed his "associates" to give me stuff.

Although, not involved with Aliens, it still is. My anxiety attacks have become worse. I am glad he is back, but this isn't my "Wolfbrother". I recognize him, sounds like him, but it is not him. However, my Wolfbrother is still in there. "Listen to the Universe", he would tell me. I already found the clues he left and item. I can only hope my wolfbrother can come through. I will remember him always.