A Question of Sanity.

I have bought up this topic before, both from a personal perspective and as a motion of awareness of a serious part of the Alien Abduction Experience and UFO Phenomena. One of the reasons why I am bring this up is because personally, do to circumstances in my life I had a falling out with someone. This individual who accompanied to a MUFON meeting, believed he had his own experience. However, he claims it was just nightmares.... and that my experiences likewise must be a delusion. During the entire experience, we both were leery of the type of people we would encounter. He initially viewed the entire topic with a healthy dose of skepticism.Yet we did agree upon that with suitable technology that crafts could travel between the stars. As to the speculation surrounding the operators of the craft, we left that up for discussion. Although they did agree to the probability of life elsewhere in the universe as well. However, as he was upset....
he said some things which I believe are untrue about me....yet it gave me pause to re-examine things.
Sadly he was not the only one to tell me this. Another individual who I knew told me this to my face, that I was crazy and needed medical help.

In another instance, my two only friends have also questioned things. One has told me that other people thinking I am seriously mental and that I should be on meds (only cause I claim to have been abducted in their words). My other friend who experienced with me has let it go, something happened but he know what not and lets it go at that. He seems bothered by the whole thing. Sadly, the only other living witness I have I doubt her sometimes as well. The only reason she has any credibility it because of the way I correlate my experience with her own. If it wasn't for that...I would doubt her as well.

ISOLATION
Although there are many of us who experience this phenomena, we are all isolated. The biggest things I have noticed that many of us feel alone and isolated. Many of us feel we do not belong, either because of the fear of ridicule or rejection. What is worse that among those who experience this phenomena we are further splintered into various groups as there are more than one type beings conduction these abductions, then it is further split into those that believe these are beings are either benign or malign, and that they are special and not victims. This isolation further comes down on you as you begin to question your own sanity. In the sense of what is wrong with me?.

SADNESS
Stress from these encounters can leave people deeply saddened our depressed. It manifest from the fact that you have no control....there is no way to stop them from disrupting you life. Further there is nothing you can do from threatening your family and loved ones. Those of us who have any romantic relationship know that it is threatened by this. Those of that are caregivers for children or elderly know that they jeopardize the ones they love. Its just not the concerning for ourselves, but the concern for others and how we relate to them.
What is worse is again that isolation....leading to sadness on how other will relate to us.

SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/ABANDONMENT
Again this deal with the fact that many feel powerless and threatened. Ultimately the choices come down to this....find a way to cope and live with it.or end it all. It does not always mean death, and abandonment of friends, society, and work occur as well. Sometimes it is just better to walk away... than explain what is really happening and to deal with the ridicule and downright question  of your sanity. The experiences can push you to the edge, especially when you are terrorized by the mere fact of going to sleep. You can't fight... the only thing to do is run and run. My personal belief is that no one should be forced to live. I know there is legal liability of some sorts, but seriously you have a right to settle things in your own way when life becomes a certain way.

MENTAL ABNORMALITY
You begin to question your own sanity. At first it is just little things dealing with anxiety and depression, then it deals with hallucination and night terrors. You are told something is "WRONG" with you. That you need treatment, that by taking medications that would leave you vulnerable and malleable is the answer. This begins to affect how you function with society any many levels. Sometimes things are so bad you can't actually function..many succumb to treatments or take a path into alcoholism or drug addiction.

The things is there is nothing wrong with you. Perhaps individual have develop some issues, but anyone who has been physical abducted would too. It is reasonable. After an experience like that any sane person would be traumatized to some level. Plus it is healthy to question things. Our senses can so easily be fooled, and a sane person questions this. It is just a tough rode ahead. Of course since we are all human, we may have actual disorder cause by everyday life or personality issues.

My point in all this Is that I know I am not insane. I know that I am comfortable with who I am.
I am amazed that I am a resilient person who has dealt with this issue. I feel so alone at times and broken...I pull through. I am rationale and I hope I tend to look at things rationally and reasonably. I know my faults, my failures, what issues I do have. I am not crazy nor do I need.medication. However I am alone......

I just hope that I can leave some knowledge that may help others out there. I know there are people hurting and looking for answers. There are so many out there that are dealing with this issue and are scarred.
Just know, that you are not crazy. Remain vigilant and aware, use logic and reason, and when that fails you...use commonsense and faith if any.

  
 

Knocking and Lights

Date: Oct 1st and October 3rd 2012
Type: Dream, C.E. 4
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Time of Incidents: 4:30 am-5:00am
Attempted Time of Sleep: 11:00am (10-1) and 6:30am (10-3)
State of Mind Before: Depressed, Sad, Disappointed
State of Mind After: Depressed, Anxious
Odd occurrences before: Tapping Sounds, Odd Breeze.
Odd occurrences after: None.
Possible Influential Factors: Depression, No Job, CA EDD issues

My state of mind is trying to be positive and optimistic. Within the month I recently was let go from my job.
Additionally I am having issues with the CA EDD. Contact the state for help and having issues with my unemployment request have made me sad. You work hard, pay into a system under duress by the government, and then you can't even access it or claim it without some major production. It's horrible....
Sorry that is on my mind right now....things are bad in real life and there is a lot riding on my shoulders.


So my EDD interview was scheduled for Oct 1st between 8:00am and 10:00am. I was too nervous to go to sleep so I stayed up and read my books in the kitchen and played some World of Warcraft. It help to calm me down and ease my tensions. The previous week there was issue with off knocking along the outside over our home walls. Around 1:00am to 6:00am., as if someone or something was in the backyard. The knock would be targeted at the rooms that we occupied (my room, the kitchen, or my aunts room). It would be a sharp and audible knock.


As far as trouble shooting I checked outside. There are no notable scratches or physical evidence along the walls that I can tell. We may have foundation problems or termites, but that doesn't seem to be the case. As the knocking is specific. I thought perhaps it was the house settling because of the heat....since the knock are occurring were people are active I thought it was perhaps from the electrical usage or body heat. That does not seem to be he case as the kitchen and my bedroom are cold when this occurs, my aunt's room is hot.
I also know that the squirrel tend to run on the tin awning and make no exception to the noise they make. I know of no animal that would make a knock like that other than a humanoid. 

Going back to Oct 1st.....I heard the knock. It occurred in a specific spot along the wall. The southeast section of the kitchen opposite from where I was sitting. It sort of reminded me of being in a sub...phantom knocks do to pressure that is creepy. It happened at least three times...as if the area was being marked?
Close to 5:00 am a bright light shined momentarily. This was pure white light. It scarred me because I thought someone was shining a bright flashlight down the walkway at the window. It scarred me...but since I had my interview.....I stayed up and was frazzled. Since the interview went sour.... and not so well (they seem to be leaning toward denying my claim) I just cried myself to sleep.

Now I attempted to troubleshoot this as well. My neighbor adjacent to the house has a safety light with a motion detector and timer for her backyard. When on, the light emanating from it is a dull yellow. Furthermore the wall between us casts a shadow along the kitchen wall when it is on. So the wall blocks 1/3 of the light. The light that flashed showed fully on the wall and more, meaning that this was above the wall or in the distance perhaps. I checked the other neighbors houses....they have no halogen lights or fixtures that would have produced that event. The flash of light has happened before both on my aunt's and my bedroom side.... there is a tree by my aunts room that would block any street light... meaning that it would have to emanate from the walkway. The interesting thing to note is that all three of my neighbors surrounding me have motion detector lights. All three of them have lived here as long as we have. However none of us talk. Unable to question them as to sightings or experiences.

October 3rd been trying to cope.....looking for work, doing what I need to do, cataloging what I need to sell so I can survive a bit. Up late trying to relax and chatting via skype with an associate. Around 3:45am to odd breezes brushed my right leg and left cheek. Then I heard odd noises outside. I told my associate on skype, and he had to go anyways and wished me luck. There was no knockings but there was someone walking outside, none of the motion detectors went off. I turned all the lights on an walked through the house. Around 4:30am I checked on my aunt who was up. She felt uneasy and couldn't sleep. Around 5:00am... I went outside to throw the trash away. It was a clear sky and bright....nothing amiss other than a white dog across the street in the neighbors yard that kept staring at me. It was like a statue. Odd thing is I wasn't aware they had a new dog. I watched it for about twenty minutes to make sure it was a dog. After our contest of wills it moved and whined....so I guess it was real. Although I am gonna check if the dog is there. I feel like I am stressing and going crazy. I actually do not trust that was a dog.....

UPDATE Oct 15th 2012
The neighbors do have a new dog. It is a white German Shepard, and it is still young. It would explain its peculiar behavior. I am glad that it was a dog and I saw it paying with the other dogs during the day.
The White Rabbits have all but disappeared as of July.