A Matter of Faith

When I was younger and exploring the causes for my visitations, I thought as I was told that these being were evil and of the devil. I was bought up as a Roman Catholic Christian, completed my sacraments, went to church, knew my prayers, and was even an altar boy. I wanted to even become a priest. Add to that I was even a Cub Scout and Boy Scout.... so.... why was I deemed not worthy?
When these creatures came I called out in the name of Jesus Christ, I prayed to God, I recited the Lord's Prayer.... and nothing happened. I said these things with my heart and mind and was still taken and abused by aliens.
In my exploration of humanity and culture, I come to know of different faiths and beliefs. I can say that have felt benign and malign presences at gatherings of the faithful from differing beliefs, and there is a mindset or powers present. What it is or they are I do not know, but I know that "Spiritual Power" is a real thing.

Only every so often something does spiritually interfere, but it has very little to do with the Christian Mythos.

However when I express my experience I feel hurt and dismayed when someone says "Perhaps you didn't have enough Faith." Although I have not lashed out in anger at this rather irresponsible response....it gave me pause to think how does one measure faith?

-Loyalty: Well acting and joining a faith does show you are faithful. Participating in events and activities show that you are with the cause. I would say at the very least, this counts as faith?

-Innocence: These experiences were as a child. Often times innocence is a requirement for help. From 3-14 I was innocent of many things, I am human so I am not without sin. I sincerely believed in humanity and good, so does this make me faithful?

-Need: God helps those with a true need. Being abducted by aliens is not something I chose. Even if my parents or grandparents signed up for it, I did not. There are being who posses abilities I do not understand or even begin to comprehend. How can I fight against them? I needed intervention. I prayed and asked with humility for help. I think that shows faith.

-Obedience: This goes along with loyalty, but I followed the path and spoke the party line. The rules were clear and I followed them. I also encourage other to follow them by leading by example. I believed and trusted in God's Law that he gave for us. He is our heavenly father and should be obeyed.....why was this not good enough for faith?

-Belief: What more can one do...trust in God's divine plan, surrender to his will and perhaps it will stop.
That is when you hit rock bottom. I stopped calling out, but I put my full belief that the Lord would protect me, he would shield me. He would not let them harm me. I am a child then......a hard lesson most adult struggle with..... but as a child? Where is the halo.....

-Worthiness: The worst facet of faith, you go through all the check marks. I did my sacraments, I said my prayers, I did the obedience with a pious and humble heart. I have confidence in the Lord. So why is this happening... I have faith.... but perhaps I am not worthy of God's Love or anyone's love for that matter.
When I clinged to faith I learned I am utterly worthless.......why else would I suffer and endure? Why else would I be so plagued and broken.

That is no way to talk to someone and say "Perhaps your Faith was not strong enough". Your faith is always strong, but what is stronger is your personal conviction and drive. Your passions and your desire to live and make others happy. That is what got me through, no angel or messenger.... but my own conviction.

We are stronger than them. We must be aware and willful, and must learn. We are the illuminated one who are in the darkness. We are not blinded or sullied by the light. We stand alone yet together like the stars in the sky. Beacons.