Severe Daddy Issues

Date: April 24th 2018
Type: CE4
Location: Los Angeles, CA, 90023
Time of Incidents: 700am-10:00am
Attempted Time of Sleep: 5:00am [Me])/2:00am [Aunt]/N/A [Guest]
State of Mind Before: Overwhelmed, Tired, Worried (Me)/N/A (Aunt)/N/A (Guest)
State of Mind After: Depressed, Scared, Worried, Overwhelmed (Me)/N/A (Aunt)/N/A (Guest)
Odd occurrences before: Wolfbrother, Insomnia
Odd occurrences after: Hit on on the Head (Thurs)

As you know first off since my birthday I have been unable to sleep well. Not only am I trying to save my wolfbrother, but I am dealing with my overwhelming issues at times. The PTSD has been high the past two months, especially with "their" two cents added to the mix. I have not recorded a lot of things which is not good, so I am playing catch up now.

So this night I was afraid to go to sleep again, so I stayed up until 5:00am until I felt safe. I had the AC on since I was burning up, and managed to get comfortable and got to sleep. I know I had some false starts of drifting off as I was still afraid, but ultimately relaxed by 7:00am.

I wake up in a facility, it is one of those places were there are tons of people other than myself that are their.
It was grey cement walls, floors, and ceilings with some used furniture for comfort. The times I was allowed to walk about, it seems it was a series of connected rooms from a large hallways with common rooms as well. People were grouped by immediate families. I was grouped with my mother, stepfather, and brother and was upset I was there. I wanted to go home, and I was in my early twenties it seemed. The area we were kept at was disorganized and I did my best to clean. I offered to help my mom with the cooking and tried to tell them we should get out of here. They did not understand why I felt threatened. The "organizers" who I can't clearly remember, but who asked me stuff, was wondering why I didn't want to stay with my family and how come I did not associate with my brother. I told him that he tried to kill me and we never  got along, he was just biologically related to me and didn't mean he was my family. They then introduced my little brother, Ryan, and that got me to stay. I am very protective of him (not my biological brother). At night the "organizers" would come and take us for tests. I managed to get him out and we would avoid them. After three days they transferred him out. So I decided to leave to find him.

[NOTE: Wolfbrother recalls the same dream. After I left he was trying to follow me as he escaped, he was a mile away.]

I urged my mother to leave, and let her know I was leaving. She mocked me that I couldn't, then she threatened to kill me. She said I was hers, I was their property as they made me, and they gave me to her. She was going to kill me if I left, if she couldn't have me as they promised then she would see me destroyed.
So I simply popped out. I end up miles away from the facility which was bathed in daylight, the area I was in was at night. It was different as it had a lot of outdoorsy place along a beach. This seemed more unconstrained or "free ranged" for the privileged. Here while people enjoyed the night, the "organizers" would come during the day and conduct the tests. My biological father was here, and he was waiting for me. It caught me completely off guard as I am estranged with him. My feelings were of instant disgust and anger, I was caught off guard by his prescence and the fact that he simply wanted to have dinner with me and talk.
I said this was bad comedy, and asked were my wolfbrother was. He promised to take me to him, but wanted to know about his first born and namesake, what sort of man I had become, as I was his son and he had a right to know as my 'Dad'. This angered me and I spat toward him as I told him he has no right to call me that or claim that title for himself. However I was willing to talk as long as I got back to my wolfbrother.
So we head to the Hindu restaurant there, which the staff knows me from before since I have visited this facility more than once. The staff already has my signature and informs me I don't have to pay as they are aware of whom/what I am. My biological father and I discuss myself, small talk mostly. He inquires about my biological brother and if I talk to him. He seems impressed overall as I turned out to be descent, despite things. He was disappointed that there was no connection to my biological brother.

I asked him about my Wolfbrother and he said he would take me to him as soon as we finished dinner. He made me feel a bit vulnerable, as if I saw him for the first time as a regular person. There was a brief second of longing for the fact I did not have a dad. He said that he wished to have had the chance to know me, as I was an excellent son he was proud of, that in a way I turned out like him. My anger sparked as I responded "No...you are Marcos. I am Michael...I am NOT your son...you hated me and loathed me....tried to kill me...how could I ever be your son!?". He didn't seemed phased. Finished with his dinner he got up and we started to walk to the beach. There were only a handful of stars. I told him to be careful as there was a drop up ahead and was surprised I could see in the dark and that I remembered being here many times before.
I muttered under my breath "You are nothing like Dan, he is a real dad"...He asked what I was murmuring but changed the subject and then he held my hand. He looked at me and said "You are my son, my firstborn male. I regret that you stayed with and was hurt by MOM". He looked at me to gauge my response. I only said, "Where is my wolfbrother?". He seemed irritated and told me to stop asking, he would take me to him.
He told me to ask the questions I had of him.

I say "Ok...M.A.R.C.O.S... I need to ask...I get abducted by aliens. It has a lot to do with you. I am not sure it is childhood trauma, as these things happened.". He began to laugh at me and looks at me and says "Seriously? If you are talking about that time I left you n the the room when I had the suitcase... (a new bad memory surfaced)". I cut him off and said "No the one that happened around 3 to 4, the one I saw in the room at night, and the other stuff...in the forest...", my voice begins to crack as I am getting upset. He replies plainly "I don't want to talk about this. You shouldn't remember any of this. They told me you shouldn't remember. I just want to know who my son is and how he is doing." I start to breakdown and cry on the floor....because of the weight of memories....the absence of a father/dad. I pick myself up and wipe away the tears and yell at him "I am smart, I have a kind heart. I am socially awkward...", the scene of the beach begins to shift to another series of hallways and rooms at a facility and I go on, "I can perceive things. I know what is going on....", I am fighting what is really happening and the emotional turmoil in me. I see a flash of loathing and anger as I say "And I am gay, but hey no one wants me because I so fucked up anyway, so no harm nor fowl in the bigger picture!".

Everything stops, he focuses on me with such an intensity, "THAT IS WHY I HATE YOU! WHY I WANTED TO KILL YOU! YOU WERE DEFECTIVE FROM THE VERY START and disgust me....how could I love such an abomination? That is why i gave you to them to protect my real son, Nicholas. I don't even know why I bothered wanting to know what became of you. Such a disappointment....you have all the drive and intelligence for something great....but", he spits on the ground in utter disgust, "YOU are an utter perversion. NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU! THEY WILL DESIRE YOU FOR WHAT YOU CAN DO, but will always be disgusted by you. I am glad you changed your name. I don't want anyone to know I am associated with such a SHAME. Shame. Shame. Shame."
He looks at me as I look broken, but a cold fire ignites within me. My eyes grow icy blue, my rage burns cold and I shift and change. I know where I am...we are neither here nor there....but in a place where I have some influence as well. I become a feral and vicious beast of darkness with wings. I proclaim that they will all suffer for this..... and I begin ripping and tearing into being near by.....

I wake up crying and shaking.... I feel really really hurt. I have to compose myself before I text and send to my wolfbrother. It really really bothered me. The next day they briefly show up and give me a cryptic message.... "Officer Jeffrey Ofileck, LAPD, number 323-***-****". I dismiss it causing I am angry.
I try to recount this incident to my wolfrbother but break down. I cannot read it. It hurts so bad.