The Fallen Host and Sex that kills

Date: June 14th, 2018
Type: CE4, Dream
Location: Los Angeles, CA, 90023
Time of Incidents: 1:00am to 5:15am
Attempted Time of Sleep: 12:30am
State of Mind Before: Overwhelmed, Tired
State of Mind After: Extremely Depressed. Emotional Distraught, Forced Apathy
Odd occurrences before: Wolfbrother, Insomnia
Odd occurrences after: Hearing CB in my head

Over the past weeks things have changed. New group? New tactics? I am unsure. I been examined again anew, and they have really started hard on reminding me of how I am defective, how broken I am. Yet the odd part... why are they so much interested in me?
I am nothing extraordinary? I hold no secrets to universal truth or clearance to security. I have no influence to important individuals. I am just mere one person in a existence... a joke, defective, and unwanted by those whom I cherish. An odd dichotomy that I cannot yet unravel.

The events start when I get home. I am saddened as I know what will be happening, I am not blind. I already know that events are in motion. He deceives himself, believing in the subjective truth of the moment. I do care, as once again I am being hurt. I even asked to be released... he won't. So must I escape this as well?
Being home was comforting in only that I could find some solace in my things, my books, but even that could not sate my heavy sorrow. So as my mind, heart, and body where in pain I thought perhaps sleep would bring me succor. I should know better when I am being influenced as I do not want sleep.  Was it my body or them? I admit I hardly sleep for what happens, but I wanted to find some comforting in not being awake. Yet honestly, my mind is always awake as you will see.

As soon as I rested my head and tried to find a comforting image, it started again. The machine on the ceiling that is not really there, and the small person by the bathroom door watching. They think they can just run by, but I see them all to well. The waves of light and darkness distorted in the low light of my room.
As I had my head down on the pillow, I could here clapping. Someone was getting a standing ovation, there was a lot of clapping. I lifted my head up, nothing. I lay my head down and the clapping began. Then I was in the kitchen. It was morning. My brother walked by me and I was furious. Why is he here? I wanted cereal and poured the milk and I could see and smell it was curdled. I yelled out "What is mine is mine. Buy your own food from now on. I will not share anymore. I am tried of getting screwed over". Something comes to the side and I hear in my head, "It was Gene". I wake up startled and realize that was only a minute. Some invisible person walks from the bathroom to the bedroom door. I think "Go away! I am not in the mood. Leave me alone. Just leave me alone." I try to hold onto a manufactured happy memory, but it leaves bitter ashes in my mouth and a just cry to sleep.

For the next few hours I wake up every 10 to 15 minutes. The AC is running, but I am burning up. I am being poked and prodded. I can hear them in my head saying "Not good", "It is defective", "It is all wrong", "Why would we want this [with disgust", "Is it even a male", and a slew of other insults that cut deeper than the physical things they are doing. The reason why I keep waking up is as I hurt I will myself back, but they struggle and pull me back. I can hear other voices comment "See. See! See what he is doing? How many can do this? It is a struggle to keep him here. How many can do this?" Excited the voice continue "Look at everything in his head. This is beyond what we can do. It stretches out for miles, multiple individuals and details are here". A voice says "It is what we need, but not what we want". Another says "No. This thing displeases me. It is disgusting. It should not be allowed".

Again I awake. My legs, stomach, and kidneys hurt. I wake up and look at the clock. I am not alone in the room, I knock out, wake up and knock out. Both sides trying to keep me there. I am angry. I keep going back to sleep. I don't want too. They keep showing me my house, they know the layout. They know my family. Makes me upset. They tell me they figured out what I am. That I am special. They recognizes how I have been modified and what I have become. They have tried to duplicate, but it doesn't turn out right. The higher ups dislike me. They say I am some sort of abomination. I have had enough of this, I begin to walk out and leave. They show themselves as all manner of celebrities, trying to tell me to stay. I comment on how I have no need of this. I am leaving. I walk out the front door and head to downtown. As I am walking they are following, they are amazed at the detail. Places I never been, but fully remembered. I tell them to go away.
I arrive at a warehouse and market. I go in and push the wall away by the freezers. There is a giant black woman lounging on a sofa, attending by a multitude of small white humanoids. They are a gasp that I walked in. She says "Well, well, well, you can see what is behind the curtain. You know don't you. I can feel it. You know what we are. What I am. You are an ugly little creature. Yet from what I am told you will have uses." I tell her, "Leave me alone. I want none of this. All you do is make me suffer. I have not attacked you. Just please stop". I walk back out and seal the room once again. It is nighttime and I am heading to an open air night market. It is little tokyo area. As I am walking people begin point at the sky.

There is a huge UFO flying and circling overhead. It seems to be a rounded triangle ship. It flies into the clouds and disappears. Next to more vessels fly over head. It is oval shape, they are black. It reminds me of a roach body....no head or legs. Again they head toward the clouds. During this time I grab my phone and try to take a picture. Making sure the flash is not on. As other people start taking pics I switch to video....I do not want to attract their attention. However where they flew too was a giant mother ship. I have seen it before. There is a mothership above Los Anegeles, it is in a hyperspace pocket. It is here but not here. The phone switches and is being remotely controlled by one of the ships. It is now showing a reptilian pilot that has crashed his ship into that mother ship. I cover the camera on my phone. I don't want it to see me. It tries to tell me "Get away. They want you. They will harm you. They want you for what you are and what you can do. The light cannot be trusted". Greys are coming in behind them and shoot him with their crystal wands. They drag him off the ship and attempt to trace his signal. I turn off my phone. I wake up.

I am up again. Must not go to sleep. Wolfbrother. I need you. Why do you lie to me? I knew I was alone. Why do you lie? I can hear me, "Michael. They are  going to appear as celebrities. I don't know why. The large ones are some sort of nephilim. They are locked as blacks, they don't seem to mind." So the greys when I am back are small Caucasian people, and the tall ones are blacks.
The Nephalim are getting irritated that the greys cannot collar me properly. They suggest using a human to anchor me. I fall asleep again. It is day time and I am in an open air mall. Lots of vendors and stalls. As I walk through I begin pocketing useful items for later. I need to stop this. I soon run into a guy who is beaten up pretty badly and he is literally thrown in from the side. Good looking white guys, like the lead actor from the Scary Movie" series. He is not the only real person here. I can hear them in the background "They call him Cum Canon" and they giggle. He smells of blood, sweat, and semen. He is hurt, his leg is in pain. He looks at me and says, "You are real aren't you? Please help me. I want to get out of here!". I go over to help, as well as another go who seems to realize where he is. "The other awake when he is near? Why does this occur", when of the Nephlim says. The other guys asks, "who said that" and seems freaked out. I tell them we should head to the fountain. As the guy leans on me, he says he know me or at least has seen me somewhere before. He smells so good, it is intoxicating for a moment. I recognize the scent. As we switch side and drag hm over to the fountain I tell him "I know this isn't the right time, but I am really desperate. I don't mean it that way cause you are perfect. Yet I need someone to love me, Everyone uses me. It is a constant cycle. I just want... no NEED... my companion... if not I can't ... I will do it". The words choke as I feel so much pain.... physical wounds heal but the emotional scars are burned in and the pain is there. I only say this as he is familiar to me on some level. I hear laughter again. So does he.
HE is thinking for a moment. I can see it in his eyes. He know I am real cause I am hurt and is confused. He is familiar with me but is having trouble remembering why. I am trying to tend to his wounds at the fountain. The other guys is bothered by the laughter. I can hear some among the laughter say "Kill him. He knows the truth now. Do it before he kills you". Other say "Show them. Make him remember", and one of them comes and shove my face into the guys crotch. I resist an pull away. The guy is getting agitated and yells "What the fuck is going on?". He tries to stand, and I attempt to support him but he says "Stay the fuck away from me. Who are you?".

The laughter starts all around. The nephalim and the greys. The greys bring monitors in to show the guy what has transpired. I try to step back but they are all around me. They see and feel my pain and are happy about my inner turmoil. They begin to show the guy what we have been doing throughout the years. I have no recollection of these events, but it is me. I know I did do these things as I begin to recall in vivid detail. Over the years he and I have been having sex, they show us copulating, having me fluff him and take him. This has been going on for a few years, not consecutively but at least the past seven years. They comment "I am one of the few that can accommodate him and can get his seed very quickly". He begins to get angry, despite being hurt and in pain he yells " I am not like that. You are lying. I am not some fucking fag!" He turn to me and lunges at me. They part and he pounces at me and attacks me with some much anger and fury. He says " You fucking faggot. You are a piece of shit. I would never do anything like this you fucking asshole, I will kill you. I will kill you you fucking faggot. I don't like you. would never do this. You are fucking disgusting. I will kill you". I roll up into a ball, I let him wail on me. He is right. I deserve this. I don't deserve to live. I am defective and abomination. I deserve to die. Just end me already. I don't want to feel.

One of the Nephalim come and swats the white man away like a ragdoll. The little greys come and begin to wipe this memory. They need to make him forget, as we will be put to use later.
Although he hates me, he does lust after me too. One of the greys try to come and wipe my memory but I swat it away. They back off, surprised that after that beating I am still able to move. The area changes again. The other guys are dragged away, I am in a stone city, and auditorium that open out to a lush jungle. In the background there is a large aquatic center. I huge walrus like creature sticks it head out of the water and howls and sprays water. The greys go and shock it, forcing it down into the water again. The nephalim who swatted the guy away was standing here. He looked like a large muscular Zulu warrior. I am standing up, with my head down, blood, tears, and anger are all present on me.
My hands are balled up into a fist. This guys is at least 12 feet tall, I am looking at him with peripheral vision as my head is down. He bellows "This is my Queen????!!! Are you joking with me? This ugly fat thing. You all displease me. Take this filth and dispose of it." It turns away from me, waving his hands and the greys cautiously approach me. One confident female with red hair says "Look again, but look again at WHAT it is. They engineered that. They did it. It is ugly but far exceeds the failure we encountered. It can't be replicated." It turn around again and tells me "Do you know who I am?". My reply is Sheena the She-Devil. He looks proud and claps, "so quick. That was a complex answer only I would understand. You are much smarter than you look." He then address the grey who spoke. "Can he accommodate me? Will he survive?". She bows ans says "You have read the data, this one will. It is the one we have been looking for. She will be upset, but you will have what you want."

As I stand there, my rage and sorrow was just building. My wings begin to unfold slowly as they speak. A nimbus of fire is around me and I begin to float in the air. My arms spread outward as do my wings and I begin to sing. The Nephilim bellows, laughing in awe and fear "Finally he shows us his true self. He is the ONE. Shut him down before he escapes".

I wake up crying and confused. It is 5:15 am. I am shaking. I was going to sleep, but I got the phone and began documenting what had happened. It is hard to text through the tears and me shaking. This cut me deeply. I don't want to feel. My emtions are too much, I begin to shutdown and become apathetic....if I don't I will do it. I hurt so much. I don't want to sleep.

Update
When driving around 2:23pm on an errand, on the way home I started to get feedback. In my head I was hearing a C.B. going off and read outs as if from a cop SUV. I looked up in the rearview mirror and sure enough one was following me. As soon as I got to my home it left. It only followed me three blocks. When it left, the C.B. sound in my head was gone.

Around 7:20pm my left tooth by the lower canine fell out. Thanks wolfbrother.

Missing Time, Fractals, Exam, and Hives

Date: May 30st, 2018 June 2nd, 2018
Type: CE3, CE4
Location: Los Angeles, CA, 90023
Time of Incidents: N/A
Attempted Time of Sleep: N/A
State of Mind Before: Overwhelmed, Tired
State of Mind After: Depressed
Odd occurrences before: Wolfbrother, Insomnia, Shadow Men
Odd occurrences after: Left arms marks triangles to large circle with dots in them. Wolfbrother issue.

Over the past four days I been having really odd experiences. Starting May 31st around 1:30am, as I was leaving my home there was an being on the opposite side of the street. As I was getting into my car no one was there on the street. When backing out someone was on the opposite side of the street, a dark humanoid silhouette, When I got out to look, no one was there, Later on that morning there were was an event of missing time and fractals in the room at the hospital. I went to go visit my wolfbrother in the morning since they needed to move him out of the 5th floor. He was in a bad mood as entities have been bothering him. I saw them when I closed my eyes. Two orbs, when yellow and the other orange were hovering about. The yellow orb was in my face yelling at me in oscillating pattern in its form. From what I can get was it was angry I could detect it and was wondering why. The orange orb was irradiating my wolfbrother. Both wanted me to leave. I left around 1155am. I walked down got in my car and proceeded home. However the car and phone said 1225pm. That could not be right...it takes me a few minutes to get down and to the freeway in about 7min. So where did the time go???

Later on at night I started cooking some soup around 2am... I was reading...and it seem I didn't get to far but time slipped away and it was like 6am and I burned the soup.... very unlike me. I attributed it to my chronic insomnia... and my body just tired.

During the day was my wolfbrother's operation so I waited with him until the early morning hours.

Saturday morning my catnap knocked me out. During this time I had a visit after 11am and they took me to the bathroom. They examined me and told me I am not to spill my seed anymore. They showed me a device that was put in my penis. They commented on how I am defective again. I became angry and attempted to bang my head into the mirror. I woke up. I was mad since I slept the day away and needed to fulfill my obligations. As the hours past I developed four allergic reaction soon my arms. One up near my wrist, two neat my inner elbow, and one on the outer elbow. They were like a from a TB shot but horizontal like fingers. Beside those marks, the triangles on my wrist seemed to be used again, as well as the two circle slots. Something was done....

Sidenote Wolfbrother did something extremely cruel. I knew it was coming. I don't know if I can continue.