Pressure Mounting from Both and I am caught in the Middle

July has been an awfully difficult month for me. As stated in my last entry, the entities which bother my wolfbrother have made threats to me. The threats are no mere boasts, but actual real life consequences.
One group seeks to punish me for helping and assisting, while the other seeks to push me to do more and punish me when I don't do enough. This month this has manifested in the following ways:

-Multiple times misplacing and losing my phone
-Car Stolen
-Dislocation of Shoulder (Muscular)
-Additional Implants, Scoop Marks
-Increased Activity (Music and Voices)
-Additional Threats and multiple Dominic references
-Interaction with Wolfbrother's "recent medical issues"

In all honesty reading over my notes I feel at odds as this seem really crazy. What is worse is that my wolfbrother at times confirms things I have yet to share with him. Their communication is echoed in our conversation at random. Mentally and emotionally I am drained to the point of numbness, but realize I am in severe pain. The group which wants me to leave my wolfbrother has stated that my time is over with him, they seen the results of the experiment and it is over. They believe that he is their property and since I am not affiliated with that group there is no further need for my association. They have plans for him and my continued involvement complicates matters as I am some sort of unwanted anchor.
The other group insists that we are a set, and since the experiment proved their point he is their property as intended in the first place. I was engineered to care for him and that is my purpose as they have other plans for him. Despite the situation I am to accommodate him, regardless of my ability to sustain my self. I am an expendable asset as the focus is on him. If I do not fulfill my obligation they have threatened me with bodily harm and worse.... as there are worse things than death that they can do to me.

Of course in addition to this real life come into play, my obligations and responsibilities which I am desperately trying to balance. My own and assisting with his. What makes things worse is that my wolfbrother both loves me and hates me. He realizes that I am useful, and I already made peace with the fact that he doesn't really care for me at all.....but uses me. What is worse is that others have began to bring it to my attention as it is really noticeable. Even with the individuals who know the additional burden of the aliens, notice and don't get that regardless of my association this is forced and manipulated by them. I appreciate my friend who have pointed things out, but I already do realize this pattern....one that I have written about before. It is a cycle of abuse that starts from my birth and has followed me to now. It is one of the things that constantly follow me regardless of what I do..... it has resulted in my coming to the truth they have always told me.... I am inherently defective.... not worthy of love.... I am just a useful tool and have no value beyond that.
The Dominic connection was the one clue that tipped me off. What are the chances that a known associate of Dominic would cross path with my friend. Dominic was classified as a "starseed" and I was forced by them to care for him for some months which bought me to the edge of ruin. I did my best to erase him from my life...as he almost destroyed me. My wolfbrother was the next sequence in the experiment they crafted, and he even told me on how they manipulated him to hate me.....how there is a marker in me that just makes "someone want to hurt me". No one other than myself knew what they told me...and he echoes their very words I overhear. It is compounded by things that society and certain people have said..... as I am without worth or merit, I am an abomination not welcomed by grace, and I am defective.

It is getting to the point where I may have to enact "Protocol 56", as I am having difficulty dealing with this. The lack of sleep, upset stomach, my self-esteem, and overall well being are not doing so good. So far my back ups are in place....but I don't know how long I can weather such assaults both physically and emotionally.

I would say counseling or therapy would be in order, but the mere fact that aunt is experiencing visit in connection with my experiences only shows that I have no hope. No one will take what I say seriously.... I really have to fight this on my own.... I am alone in this battle.... there is no one to stand with me and any involved will only become a target for them. 

Marks, Stolen Car, and Razors

Date: July 3rd to July 8th, 2018
Type: CE4, Dream
Location: Los Angeles, CA, 90023
Time of Incidents: N/A
Attempted Time of Sleep: N/A
State of Mind Before: Overwhelmed, Tired, Depressed
State of Mind After: Extremely Depressed. Emotional Distraught, Forced Apathy
Odd occurrences before: Wolfbrother, Insomnia, Stolen Car
Odd occurrences after: Radio in my Head, Stolen Car, Foreign Object, Head issues

Over the course of the last few nights it has been really hot and I don't want to sleep during the night.
My wolfbrother has been agitated and has shown sign of indecisiveness and confusion. He recently allowed me to comeback and requested "help" with something. I tried to talk with him and get him off the subject. This was July 3rd and let his dad know of my concerns.

Since then there has been a rise in activity. Of course I have attributed it to a personal crisis of conscience, but in reality there has been outside interference from two groups in opposition (Minority) and for (Majority).
Many are encouraging the plan to escape and reset, and the minority and against it. I have been threatened by both sides to do as "they say". Additionally outside difficulties have suddenly arose, which now are interfering with the long term well being of my aunt and myself. I believe this can be resolved, but is causing major major stress. Threatening of course my ability to assist my wolfbrother in his times of need.

The opposition urged me to provide a path and solution, they are confident in my abilities to find away. They scolded me though that I wasn't do enough, and I have to do more. I can't take it personal. I expressed that they are of know help and have already taken steps to provide an alternate means which isn't so drastic. I don't trust them so I don't tell them. They are upset that I keep waking up and resisting. In turn I am becoming more and more violent when they show, hurting myself one the other side as they will not provide any real assistance, in terms of financial, social, or physical issues. I am being "assessed" as they are curious how I will deal with this responsibility. I have expressed my frustration and need for help. They are aware of my Wolfbrother's request of contacting NASA or whatever government agency handles our experiences.

The ones who are urging me to insist of this foolhardy endevour are examining me physcially. Additional markings have appeared on my persona. As shown below are some of the major scars I have. Recently the activity around my let ankle has additional scoop marks at the "2 O'clock" position. It was very tender the past few days and I was able to remove a foreign object on 7/7/2018, which I will go more into detail.
I have been physically examined multiple times in the past few weeks for an overall assessment by several groups. It has been commented that I am an anomaly and a beneficial "reject/mistake" that they are unable to replicate both on a physical and mental level. They do not understand my overall mental conditioning on how I managing to cope or the fact that I am past my expiration date. With all the issues I have I should have terminated long ago. Like with the other group I have become increasingly violent on the other side.

To make matters worse, I have been urged to loose "my phone" one or both have caused me to misplace my phone when I am at home. Not charge it, leave it in the oddest of places, turn it off.....but when outside I am aware of my phone and location at all times. When I come home it is a different story. Likewise this has started with my keys and wallet.... I am conveniently misplacing things. My OCD has allowed me to find the items.....but it is becoming harder.

Personally at this point I do feel extremely overwhelmed. I am doing my best to care for my aunt and our canine associate, trying to assist my wolfbrother whether his homophobic onslaught on me which was recently triggered by them, dealing with the ongoing financial struggle, and worse my inability to acquire and individual to just love me. I feel so isolated and alone, and constantly question why I even bother. People betray me, and there are only a few decent people who accept me for being me. Most times I feel horrible about myself....if it is not constantly coming from them reminding me what an "abortion" of a person I am. What is worse, my Wolfbrother mocks me with the secret things only they say in exact tone and wording.
Reaffirming that I am situation that is very real and can't easily be helped.

7/6/2018 my wolfbrother had an incident and needed further hospitalization. I knew something was wrong, but was really hurt by their onslaught that night. I didn't want to sleep so I as up aware of things.

As of  7/7/2018 my recent scoop marking had a foreign object embedded in it. This object was the size of a grain of sand and had some sort of follicles. I was have severe pain and irritation, and when i first pulled it out I thought it was simply a clogged pore with a few in grown hairs. However this small black particle was the consistency of a grain of sand. It had several blonde follicle like like strand protruding from it. I thought it looked like some sort of tick....but it was not as it was a small black speck with these blonde strands. I have dark hair.......Also the strands were retracting which was weird. As I squeezed it with my fingernail I could feel the hardness, ad rolling between my fingers confirmed it. When touching the skin the strands tried to extend to stick. I dropped it in the sink and it rolled into the drain.

In addition I been feeling very tight and sharp pin pricks on the top of my head in several places. basically near the top of my head on the scalp. Basically the top on aligns with my spine, and the other six are located above both outer eyes, ears, and near the back of the head. This has been hurting through out the day and bothers me every hour or so in one specific location at a time. I have felt up on my scalp and there are indeed a tiny prick spot. They are in the same locations....and hurts.

The last phenomena is the ongoing mysterious music I am hearing when I lay down. It sounds like a radio and very faint. My aunt has heard it to, despite the fact we have appliance running that would mask the sound if it were here. I been trying to make out the words.... someone is talking and here is music in the background. It is either instrumental in nature or reminiscent of the Osman's, Sonny and Cher, or John Denver... stuff they would play on the Muppet Show?

Regarding my aunt... besides me having the various experiences, she has corroborated some odd thing from individuals walking in the hall, entering her room and vanishing, and likewise I have felt presences and come out only to find they were just in the room.

Today 7/8/2018 one of the weirdest and nerve wracking things occurred. My car was stolen from County USC Medical Center Lot 5. I went to stay with my Wolfbrother since his dad had to work. I was there at 4am and stayed until 5pm...hoping that a family member would arrive to relieve me....none of course showed up. Now when I arrived my wolfbrother sent me to get breakfast, so I last so my car at 5AM and parked under a lamp and there was a full lot. Other vehicle had windows rolled down and the lot is busy.
When I went to leave my car was missing. At first I thought perhaps I had just forgot where I parked, but after walking the lot several times and broke down crying.... I realized my car was stolen. I called the police with the emergency call box... and Sheriff's came. Since I am not the registered owner, but only a driver... they couldn't report the car stolen until I could get home and call LAPD. I kept my resolved and contacted people for help, but no one could come to my aid. So I headed to go home and take the bus. I spoke with security there at the hospital as well hoping there was a camera.
Good news is that I have the car back now, apparently someone moved it from Lot 5 to the emergency parking lot and parked right in the 15 minute or less loading spaces. The door side lock was broken, the car wasn't hot-wired.
This makes no sense Nothing was stolen at all!!!! The car was rummaged through...but as far as I can tell it is okay. I found it quite odd that the Sheriff said there was nothing they could do. Also when the car was located...they just said as long as I have the keys....I can go home. No check for prints or a report.
After a 12 hour exhausting day I collapsed when I got home, of course after attending to things. This is just so weird.

I feel so alone. Hated and reviled. Not worthy of love..... and all the weird stuff happens which just solidifies that fact that all I can do is struggle to find "my escape". It is ironic that I use these words.... as I am clearly the only one that understands my wolfbrother.