July has been an awfully difficult month for me. As stated in my last entry, the entities which bother my wolfbrother have made threats to me. The threats are no mere boasts, but actual real life consequences.
One group seeks to punish me for helping and assisting, while the other seeks to push me to do more and punish me when I don't do enough. This month this has manifested in the following ways:
-Multiple times misplacing and losing my phone
-Car Stolen
-Dislocation of Shoulder (Muscular)
-Additional Implants, Scoop Marks
-Increased Activity (Music and Voices)
-Additional Threats and multiple Dominic references
-Interaction with Wolfbrother's "recent medical issues"
In all honesty reading over my notes I feel at odds as this seem really crazy. What is worse is that my wolfbrother at times confirms things I have yet to share with him. Their communication is echoed in our conversation at random. Mentally and emotionally I am drained to the point of numbness, but realize I am in severe pain. The group which wants me to leave my wolfbrother has stated that my time is over with him, they seen the results of the experiment and it is over. They believe that he is their property and since I am not affiliated with that group there is no further need for my association. They have plans for him and my continued involvement complicates matters as I am some sort of unwanted anchor.
The other group insists that we are a set, and since the experiment proved their point he is their property as intended in the first place. I was engineered to care for him and that is my purpose as they have other plans for him. Despite the situation I am to accommodate him, regardless of my ability to sustain my self. I am an expendable asset as the focus is on him. If I do not fulfill my obligation they have threatened me with bodily harm and worse.... as there are worse things than death that they can do to me.
Of course in addition to this real life come into play, my obligations and responsibilities which I am desperately trying to balance. My own and assisting with his. What makes things worse is that my wolfbrother both loves me and hates me. He realizes that I am useful, and I already made peace with the fact that he doesn't really care for me at all.....but uses me. What is worse is that others have began to bring it to my attention as it is really noticeable. Even with the individuals who know the additional burden of the aliens, notice and don't get that regardless of my association this is forced and manipulated by them. I appreciate my friend who have pointed things out, but I already do realize this pattern....one that I have written about before. It is a cycle of abuse that starts from my birth and has followed me to now. It is one of the things that constantly follow me regardless of what I do..... it has resulted in my coming to the truth they have always told me.... I am inherently defective.... not worthy of love.... I am just a useful tool and have no value beyond that.
The Dominic connection was the one clue that tipped me off. What are the chances that a known associate of Dominic would cross path with my friend. Dominic was classified as a "starseed" and I was forced by them to care for him for some months which bought me to the edge of ruin. I did my best to erase him from my life...as he almost destroyed me. My wolfbrother was the next sequence in the experiment they crafted, and he even told me on how they manipulated him to hate me.....how there is a marker in me that just makes "someone want to hurt me". No one other than myself knew what they told me...and he echoes their very words I overhear. It is compounded by things that society and certain people have said..... as I am without worth or merit, I am an abomination not welcomed by grace, and I am defective.
It is getting to the point where I may have to enact "Protocol 56", as I am having difficulty dealing with this. The lack of sleep, upset stomach, my self-esteem, and overall well being are not doing so good. So far my back ups are in place....but I don't know how long I can weather such assaults both physically and emotionally.
I would say counseling or therapy would be in order, but the mere fact that aunt is experiencing visit in connection with my experiences only shows that I have no hope. No one will take what I say seriously.... I really have to fight this on my own.... I am alone in this battle.... there is no one to stand with me and any involved will only become a target for them.
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