Humanity sucks....

I know there are good people out there. Those that have been kind are far away, and I do appreciate their care and concern. I do not forget that, yet it is distant starlight. Around me though there is nothing but absolute emptiness, only what I have to fill a void. As many you know over the past months I have been struggling with a situation, which has lead to other situations. I have tried to be analytical, I have tried to be patient, I have tried to be understanding, however in the end I realize I am alone. Even when I try to reach out, I grasp at clouds. Those who I thought were allies are illusions, the one person I thought who was real just used me for their own gain and accord. I am accused and made a scapegoat of their own delusions.
What succor I tried to find was also an illusion, there is no rest, no warmth, no comfort. I did my best, that all I can do. Yet in itself that has not been enough. I am done dealing with humanity. I no longer trust anyone, no will let my heart be open. If I am to be alone, then I shall survive and thrive in the darkness without anyone.
I cannot trust anyone, so what is the point. I should just concentrate on my obligations and care not for the world. It is truly over, I heart cannot bleed if there is no blood left to pump through, you cannot be cold if there is no warmth. I only have myself and what I am expected to do.


asas

Catholic Dreams

Date: 2/27/2017
Type: Dream
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Time of Incidents: 3:30am
Attempted Time of Sleep: 11:30am (Me)/12:00am (Aunt)/1:00am(Guest)
State of Mind Before: Very Depressed, Worried (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)/N/A(Guest)
State of Mind After: Very Depressed, Anxious (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)
Odd occurrences before: Pops and Knocks
Odd occurrences after: Shaken had to write out dream


I was with my aunt and grandmother. We went to this catholic monastery. There was the church, rectory, school, living quarters, etc. We went there to go and visit my mom (My mother was hospitalized at one point for mental health issues and broke). I didn't not want to go, but I wanted to see my Wolfbrother and get answers. There were many people, most of them Hispanic in the waiting areas. Many of the sisters and nuns were Caucasian, most were old, but a few were young. The waiting line we were in was past the rectory and near the hospital area. We had to go through a clearance area, the nun there was an old woman who was checking id and making sure you did not bring in an metallic objects.

 My aunt was using her crutches, which I found odd. When I got to the check point, I put my wallet, keys, my aunts wallet in, a pen, and my wolf ring. I swiped my ID. The Nun was surprised of who I am, she called me by name them and said "Om my you have been busy and done many things. It is alright though, you have clearance. Is 'Dorthy' with you?". I was caught off... I said "I am here to see my mother, but I did have questions about my wolfbrother. 'Dorthy' is not here". The old nun says it is okay, your ****** and his family are here. I kinda of got defensive and told her it is not like that. She then stopped my aunt and asked her how come she hasn't gone to church, there are a number of programs available for him. Like gardening and associating with the senior community. They would even help her drive again. My aunt told them she couldn't drive and only wanted to see her sister. The nuns escorted out. One of the sisters tried speaking to me in Spanish, I told her I won't speak that. She asked why and I explained. She was taken aback and said I shouldn't do that, but I told her I do understand. I can read and write almost anything, but I prefer English. If I was in Spain I would speak Spanish. That is when she was showing me around.

She caught me looking at several handsome guys. She asked about my ******, I told her that not true. She said I shouldn't be ashamed. His family was here, and I should go see them after. She showed me a sealed room that was behind some glass. It was a reading room, it had a very nice chair, and end table. On the book shelf there was a beautiful red lamp. The sister was telling me that this was a very sacred room were all the knowledge was kept. Only those that were worthy were every allowed in there. When they were in there God's presence could be shown when the lamp glowed red. I pulled out a pair of silver scissors, and showed it to her. She seemed confused. I said softly "Look into the reflection. The lamp is on. I have been in here see" She quickly made the sign of the cross and had to tell mother superior and find Arch-bishop Timothy. (Basically I showed her that I can get in via a reflection, plus the lamp was on only in the reflection. When I got there I freaked out since I had Dejavu. I felt real uncomfortable and reached into my pockets. It was at this time I realized I was dressed as a priest, and I found I had a pair of silver shears).

We went back to the rectory. She went to go look for the Mother Superior. In the lobby I saw my wolfbrother's dad and brother. They came to speak to the Arch-Bishop. The mass was over and a number of monks and priest were coming into the rectory. One priest was holding a stake and tried to kill the Arch-Bishop, but I tackled him. My wolfbrother's brother tackled the Arch-bishop. The other monks took the priest away who was going to stake the Arch-bishop.
I was explain who and what Arch-Bishop was to my wolfbrother's brother. I told the Arch-bishop who they were and we needed to talk to him about "My wolfbrother". He said he was expecting them, but I need to wait as he need to tell me something about my ******. I sighed and told him it is not like that. I felt hurt.

The sister had found the Mother Superior. The sun had already set and the people were going. I told her..I need to go to the restroom. I went into one of the bathrooms, it was old and I could tell this was part of the school since they had kids stalls and sink in her too. I needed to get out, find my wolfbrother one last time and let him know. However in the end I know I am alone. I no longer want to be here...or anywhere. I am lost.

Left Eye Travels

Date: 2/24/2017
Type: CE3
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Time of Incidents: 10:00pm (Me)/N.A Aunt
Attempted Time of Sleep: 10:00pm
State of Mind Before: Depressed (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)
State of Mind After: Depressed, Anxious (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)
Odd occurrences before: Insomnia, Kidney Issues, High Body Temperature, Instructions
Odd occurrences after:"Sick"...see update on "Light Rays"

Still not feeling that great so after having dinner I tried to relax for a bit, was sad and decided to go to sleep.
I was just sad and trying to relax, as I was laying there I was getting the whole "double vision" issue with my left eye again. For those you who are new, what I mean by double vision is that what I am seeing through my eyes is not only what is in my direct view of sight, but also getting an image from elsewhere....overlaying. It is like showing to slides at once.....in photography it is called double exposure...

"Lake and Bush"

 So as I am laying down I am seeing a dirt road during the day. My point of view if from the passengers side, it seems like a desert road and look like it is an open aired vehicle like a jeep. We are coming to a canyon area. The POV exits the vehicle and walks near the canyon walls. They are talking, I barely pick up a question about "digging and it is over here". Out of the corner of their POV they are being watched by a grey just beyond where the trail goes into the canyon. The POV does not notice as they are looking around at the spot they are to dig at. I notice the grey and it look at me and hides then peeks out it head. I get a "You can see me directed at me". It hides again and that is when the POV looks in its direction. I feel apprehension from the POV, the soil they are standing on is loose. The POV companions starts to yell and then something begin pulling both into the ground, downward. The POV begins flailing as they are pulled downward. I force my self to get up as during this time I was unable to move. I admit I was watching and listening, but when they were pulled down....I realized I couldn't move and began to wiggle and shake my legs which let me move after I gasped for breath.

Lights Ribbons

Over the past two weeks, and even before I been having infrequent odd rays of light appearing in the room and the hallway. I am somewhat photosensitive, so I do control what sources of light emanate within my home. I have debunked plausible sources, and left with no explanations as to how these might have come to be.

1) Incident #01

This one happened in the evening shortly before sunset. The ray of light was directly in front of me and above me, but close to my DVD shelf. The ray of light was reflecting off my collector cases which is 3 feet high.
The ray was stationary and horizontal and ran the length of  book case which is 24 inches and was about 4 inches thick. It moved as the light refracted off the collector case, it was there fro about 15 secs before winking out. All doors were closed and the window is blackened with no light come forth, plus the window does not face the sun at the evening. I felt bothered by the appearance.

2) Incident #02
This happens maybe five days later but around 5:30am. I been have a terrible case of insomnia and minor sleep paralysis off and on. I am afraid to got to sleep at times. I tried to sleep that night, but was sad and uncomfortable. As I rolled over to face the TV, a ball of light appeared and slowly left a horizontal trail of light in front of the TV. Again I could see the reflection on TV screen, but this one just faded away. Again, the doors were closed and the only light source I had was a yellow salt lamp...which is blocked from the TV.

I am unsure what this means. I do know that there are things walking around, and perhaps this is a telltale sign of their presence I am picking up?

Update (1/25/17)
Putting my aunt to bed I happen to ask her if she saw anything strange. She claims to have witnessed similar phenomena happening in her room as well at various time during the day. Again there is no apparent source of light that would explain this. She claims that the ribbons of light appear at her window, in the corner of the room, and in the hallway. She thinks that it is "Them". Likewise she has been bothered the past few week and scared, mainly because of them. She was unaware of the incident with my wolfbrother, and explained everything to her since she was concerned about my only friend. I let her know what happened, and also presented the evidence supporting my cause of their issue. Again, not just me.... independent experience and confirmation. 
 

Hidden Numbers

Date: 2/22/2017
Type: CE4
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Time of Incidents: 6:00pm
Attempted Time of Sleep: 12:00pm
State of Mind Before: Heartbroken, Very Depressed (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)
State of Mind After: Heartbroken, Even More Depressed (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)
Odd occurrences before: Insomnia, Kidney Issues, High Body Temperature, Instructions
Odd occurrences after:"Sick"

My Wolfbrother is supposed to be home but I have no word. I am assuming he is adjusting, and is probable feeling betrayed, disappointed, and angry with me. I expect the worse, but in the end I want him to be whole again. The awesome individual I met, who was full of potential. Over the past two weeks I been going over every conversation, email and text concerning what had happen. As usual things are in my logs.

First things first, I been depressed and my sleep schedule is thrown off. I cannot sleep, my temperature is fluctuating into fevers again, when I do sleep it is fitful. Logically I see this as symptomatic stress from the whole incident concern my wolfbrother. Despite outward appearances, it troubles me very deeply to my core. The experience has left me worse for wear in some regards, my lack in faith now more than anything and the fact I am a pawn in some twisted game.

I had to turn the AC on to get some sleep as my body temperature is burning up. I am not physically ill nor is the weather extremely warm, humid....but muggy. My room is sealed and is normally cold, but for me to relax I need it "COLD". Odd things is this reflects back on a maxim I have, "Better to be cold than know the warmth of love, for love will perish when ignited...often burning you or spoiling in the warmth." Yeah.... despite my attempts to feel otherwise... So I went to sleep around noon after tiring myself out with some errands. I had nonsensical dreams that were disjointed and just dreams. However I did wake up around 5:00pm to urinate....and went back to sleep. Then I woke up again in "Dream" but it was dark in my room.
The thing was I was extremely unsure if I was dreaming or was awake. The sun should have been setting, and if I don't have my light on it will be dark in the room. The AC was on, and there was someone in the room who went into the bathroom quickly. I got scared as I could pick up whispers in my head. I started looking for the flashlight by my side and turned it on. My field of vision was compromised as I was seeing in dark black and white. The light from the flashlight only helped a little, I grabbed my phone and did it again using the touchscreen and it was better. I noted a red string on the bathroom door, and it quickly got tugged in. I could her my canine companion outside. He was barking which is unusual. I had trouble walking, the lights wouldn't work and made my way to my aunt's room. She was already awake and was scared. I turned her lights on, and I still had trouble as nothing in color, but it was better. She said to bring my canine buddy in from the whole way, he was growling at something. I went and picked him up, my bedroom door closed after a blue towel peaked out and withdrew. All of us where in her room. She said they were here and wanted the dog to stay in her room from now own. She was crying. I could hear them in the hallway.
I woke up......it was dark in the room. I fumbled for my flashlight, but the light on and got my phone. 
Odd thing is I remember what had just happened, but I felt that the sequence of events was the "THIRD" time I did this action recently...... I wanted to text my wolfbrother...but remembered I am alone now.
I got up, feed my canine friend and checked in on my aunt. Went back to the room and cried myself to sleep.

I woke up around 12:00am, I did have some fitful sleep....woke up several times as I was sad. Going back I recalled a dream from  2/20/17...I was given instructions on a code to access a computer. The instruction were written in green light, and a female voice asked me to repeat it. I told her I don't like females, and didn't trust her. She ignored me.

Anyway...this got me to think....what if everything had happened was planned. I think it was. The incidient happened on 2/7/17. These numbers are important.... Month and Date are "9" and year goes to "8", respectively 9 has a significance for me...and 8 for my Wolfbrother In this sequence...."Me + Him = Him"...(9+8=17, 1+7 = 8). Day of Restoration "?", further the catalyst was a symbol of himself. Things are still being played.... I don't know how or why...the story is no finished yet.

Visits, Cries, and and Ice Planet

Date: 2/10/2017
Type: CE4
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Time of Incidents: 4:00pm
Attempted Time of Sleep:N/A
State of Mind Before: Heartbroken, Very Depressed (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)
State of Mind After: Heartbroken, Even More Depressed (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)
Odd occurrences before: Wolfbrother Hospitalized
Odd occurrences after:Pops, whistles

I am a bit backed up in reporting as my Wolfbrother has been hospitalized due to last weeks incident and the issues of the past six months. So I been keeping myself busy attempting to be of aid to his family, and going through all of my logs trying to piece together the overall picture. Around 4:00pm my aunt started yelling "Get Away. Leave"....and I ran to her room and looked down the hallway. I saw nothing but my canine friend was agitated at the end of his area and ignored me as I went to her room to see what had happened. She claims that a tall white being was bothering him and she was worried it was trying to do something. I did not note anything as I am depressed and hurt. I am worrying over my Wolfbrother because I truly do love him as a person.

Date: 2/14/2017
Type: CE4
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Time of Incidents: 4:30am-5:00am
Attempted Time of Sleep: 2:00am (Me)/1:00am (Aunt)/12:00am (Guest)
State of Mind Before: Heartbroken, Extremely Depressed (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)
State of Mind After: Heartbroken, Even More Depressed (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)
Odd occurrences before: Wolfbrother Hospitalized, lack of contact from his family
Odd occurrences after:Pops, whistles

Today is a horrible day, as It is Valentine's Day. Not only do I feel the crushing loneliness of the holiday, but I am reminded of how unsuitable I am as a human being. The hospitalization weighs heavily upon my heart and mind of my wolfbrother. I tried to reach out to some of our mutual associates to let them know what is going on. Not being apprised of the situation saddens me as I have no idea how he is, what state he is in, etc. I have my suspicions on how his family views me, and I am trying to be as rational as possible. However as and individuals who considers as many probable outcomes as possible.....I am saddened. I been attempting to keep myself occupied, my aunt has noticed that I am depressed. My rabbit abilities concealed the issue that had unfolded between us as she is unaware of his state and current situation. It would only make matters worse if I revealed the entirety of the situation as she see this is a repeat of previous associates of mine.

I went to sleep praying for his well being. Sometime during this I woke up. I was paralyzed, the light in my room was turned on. I could see R.D.E in front of me. Something was walking back and forth in my room. Looking for something. I could sense that they were communicating with eachother, but couldn't make out. I attempted to break free of my paralysis using my suffocation technique. My arms would not respond to hold my noise at all since my hands was close. I had had my hands under my head and temple, was sleeping on my right side. I heard my canine buddy start to cry and I got upset and just held my breath to break free. I soon gasped for air, I heard an audible flick of my light switch. It was dark in my room. I listened and waited. My canine friend was still crying, there was noise in the kitchen. The light coming from under the door was partial obstructed and then clear....when I opened the door I could see my guest left their laptop on. That was the source of the light, something blocked it...my canine buddy was shaking and cold. I held him and went to check on my aunt. She was knocked out cold. I stayed with her and my canine buddy in there for awhile so he could feel safe. I went back to bed around 5:45am.

Later on during the day I fell asleep around 4:00pm. I had a very vivid and odd dream. My wolfbrother's actual brother and I where searching for him. He was telling me not to end up like my wolfbrother, but I informed him that both of us suffer from being sort of a hyper-intelligence and we need to stay active. To him my behavior seems erratic, but too me he seems soooo slow. I also let him know I am sad cause it was Valentine's Day, he said don't worry "You and your wolfbrother will be back together". I was sort of angered by that statement as that is not the case. I concentrated on our mission. He believed my brother was at this hotel. When we got there he raced up the steps, and I went the other way to cover more ground. I encounter my mother's second husband. He said she was here, she was presenting evidence on the Third Ice Age. People from CERO and more were lined up, I began scanning the crowd for my wolfbrother. I could see part of the presentation underway. This is where it splits focus... 1) I am standing in the foyer of the hotel, where there is a line of people going into the auditorium. Two of the security notice me and a red haired woman. They point and tell me I am not supposed to be here. 2) I am laying down. My wolfborther is close by as I can here him calling out my name. I see an identical presentation on the screen. There are several greys. It is a map of earth going through a Third Ice Age due to the pole shifting, they show Europe complete froze over as it is the new north pole, Antarctica and parts of Africa are green and there is a land bridge connecting them. I wake up and want to text my wolfbrother.....but he is not available. I become sad and fall back to sleep.

Concerning Religious Beliefs

So know there is another situation, in which my open beliefs in Aliens and UFOs have been called into question. Although I been called reasonable and rational, I was told that I should go see a psychologist to work this shit out. Now of course the individual means this with the best intentions, but they are also a protestant christian......yeah....pot calling the kettle black.

As I shared my personality type before and it is INTJ, the Architect archetype found in psychology. My personality is quirky to mostly everyone. I am both a theorist and empiricist, looking at all possible outcomes a finding a commonality and percentage of probability, and verifying and then rationalizing such things. However christian often do not look upon themselves, and as such fail to notice that their own collective belief falls short among themselves. I do know this as a former Catholic myself.

As a Catholic you soon become aware of "True Christians" versus "False Christians" aka Protestants. As many of those have studied history, a major schism within Christianity was with the ideals of Martin Luther...who further splintered the unified Christian belief system known as Roman Catholicism. Prior to that the other schisms were political, Orthodox Catholics, when the Rome Empire split into two. The other are the non-incorporated Christians like Gnostics and other who combined early teachings and other belief systems. So what do I mean by crazy Christians.....I am not attacking the belief system, just the irrationality of the inconsistency between the various groups.

Well known Groups:
-Mormons: Mormons have a belief bought to the attention by the Angel Moroni, who anointed their prophet Joseph Smith. They have claims that Jesus visited the New Word, in addition there are major differences that Elohim is a re-incarnated Alien....from Kolat....and that is Yahweh....and his children is Jesus and Lucifer.
-Jehovah Witnesses: Believe that Jesus is Michael the Archangel who reincarnated into a human. They believe that Jesus's body was disintegrated by god and created new bodies for himself. He then ascended back into heaven and became Michael the Archangel again. They have an aversion to any pagan symbol or concepts.Only 144,000 of the faith will go to heaven.
-Various Televangelist and Faith Ministries: In the Americas this include hundreds of individuals church that have splintered off from other protestant groups like Lutheran and Baptists. The Rev. Phelps is a great example of a faith ministry that preaches "God Hates Fags", Peter Popoff from California who did false healings and sold Miracle Water, and sadly many other who have been feature on TBN such as Joel Olsteen.
This even goes on into Latin America where many Pentecostals dupe individuals by faith healing, tongues, anointed prayer oils, and arches of holy water. Not too many the group of individuals who claim there Jesus Christ, not individuals with a psychosis, but people who have formed faith groups around them.

They call me crazy????????

For all the good Christianity can do, it is no different than any other belief system and is subject to see its own twisted reflection. Beliefs can be great, as long as they are productive to society and keep peace and are ideals that can adapt and evolve over time.

The reason why this entry comes up is because of my Wolfbrother. What we experience is under attack and in question. What we hold as spirituality is under attacks and in question, however the conflict that resulted in this current situation is stemmed from christian beliefs. Angels, the Light, the Creator, the inflexible God we always hear about.....

How do you heal someone whose issue has been caused be a belief in Christ and Christian Ideals?



      

Lowpoints of a Life

Forever lonely, because I do not belong to anyone, and nobody belongs to me.

   Right now my heart is heavy and I am broken. I am doing my best to mask the pain that is in my soul and in my heart. It is one thing to walk away and let the fates decide what may come, but it is another thing entirely to condemn someone (even if it is for their own good) to a hard choice for help. As I reported their was a situation with my wolfbrother. For the past six months, on and off he has been dealing with a situation in which there have been drastic personality changes and behaviors. At first I was explained that these were for the better, a healthy lifestyle choice and diet, being all natural, and going toward the 'light'. I had some reservations that I expressed along the way, but was always re-assured that it was for the good and part of the overall plan. As a friend, and as I promised to walk with him I followed. When things got iffy I did my best to try to pull him back by engaging him in many other activities to stimulate his mind. For a time he returned to normal, but things back slipped in which communication became spotty....I was no cut out of many things. The 'light' had taken over and now I was a pariah and a thing of disgust....but was still needed.
For the past three months I tolerated his outbursts and cruel behavior, however before the solar new year I could not take it. I said my goodbyes. Innocently he contacted me unaware of anything I wrote or said. My feelings for him clouded my judgement and we talked, and I thought we reconciled things.

Basically who and what I am, is something distasteful to him. All the things we enjoyed, all the things we laughed at, all the things that gave meaning to our mundane eyes were strangled by some twisted dogma of the "light". One of the anchors was compromised because of this, our ring and our bond, was cast aside because he felt the meaning had been twisted when someone commented on it.I think that is when his disgust with me boiled forth, I was to be who I was...but was unable to do so since it was something he hated.

Sadly, the events I experience were not isolated to me alone. They echoed throughout his family's life as well, and disrupted the harmony of their household. He also neglected his own well being too. Things became chaotic, and eventually I became a catalyst...the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back as they say.
He is know getting the help he needs, steps have been taken now....serious steps that are now out of anyones hands. It breaks my heart in so many ways..... as it is a cycle of encounters I have gone through with people each and every time. Deep down I feel that I am truly cursed, I know there is interference from "them", as my association with my wolfbrother has shown that time and time again. DWD was another that ended in betrayal and sorrow, the Dark One, The German Angel, JWD, RT, and even my special someone.
My emotional state is constantly toyed with, any moments or succor and safety are a washed by pain and misery. Recent events have crushed my heart as well, being duped into believing I was worth something. Issue concerning the state of my mother have resurfaced since this is related as well as the gravity of the current situation. The full weight of things is on my shoulders, I have no put my best friend and wolfbrother in a situation where he must navigate a gauntlet, if he does survive he will not be the same.
In the very end, there is no place for me....as long as he get better that is all that matters. However, knowing my wolfbrother, I have betrayed him.....I disgust him, and I deserve the fate of what await me in the dark.

I will always fight, but it seems I am truly alone.  

Grey Attempted Rape

Date: 2/8/2017
Type: CE4
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Time of Incidents: 9:00am-10:00 am
Attempted Time of Sleep:2:30am (Me)/11:00pm (aunt)/Guest 11:30pm
State of Mind Before: Heartbroken, Very Depressed (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)
State of Mind After: Even More Depressed, Very Sad (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)
Odd occurrences before: Incident with Wolfbrother
Odd occurrences after: Violated

Yesterday things worsened with my Wolfbrother. It escalated into a situation in which authorities were called and eventually his family had to come and get him. Emotionally I am a wreck, but saving grass is I am in Rabbit mode. At this moment his family is trying to get him help. I am already dealing with several issues, and I am trying not to deal with this one at the moment. However an incident occurred this morning.

I awoke around 9:00am and said good morning to my guest, check on my aunt, and made sure my canine friend was okay. I am really sad over the events that transpired and just wanted to sleep. I am begin to hurt from the hit and felling the emotional component even more. I tried to continue my writing but was to distraught.

As I went to sleep I heard the familiar odd sound in my ear and I was paralyzed....I thought to my self "No No No No....not know I can't deal with this now....just leave me alone". My blue comforter was pulled over my head. I had trouble breathing and I was trying to stayed focus. I tried calling out several times for help, but was having trouble speaking. I tried to remain calm and focused on moving any part of my body. I managed to open my eyes, and in all honesty I did not want to as they were here. Something crawled into the comforter and attempted to grab my hand. It was an inky cloud of darkness, it was touching me and trying to pull me in. I started to shaking my hands violently, vibrating them as much as I could which caused the inky cloud to change. There was a grey arm now swatting me trying to stop me. I heard "It sees, it knows, not the one. He has gone". It still attempted to get near me. "You want. You desire. We see. Give what we gave him? You want. You desire. We see."  It then shifted and adjusted an went over me and behind me. It held me by the waist and started to gyrate, I thought "You are trying to fuck me? Really?". It held on and continued to dry hump. I barely felt anything as my underwear was on, and my other comforter. When I laughed it stopped and left.

I awoke and gasped for air and was very very shaky. I dismissed thins as do to all the stress in the past 24 hours. However, it bothers me as I do feel the phantom effects of being dry humped. I do vividly remember having it hold me and swatting at the inky black cloud to reveal a greys arm struggling with me.

I am trying my best to stay stable for my aunt and the sake of my wolfbrothers family. It has been a tough time.

Glutton for Punishment

Date: 2/7/2017
Type: CE4, Dream
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Time of Incidents: 9:00am-12:00 pm
Attempted Time of Sleep:12:30am (Me)/11:00pm (aunt)/Guest 11:30pm/11:30pm (Wolfbrotehr)
State of Mind Before: Heartbroken, Very Depressed (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)/????(Wolfbrother)
State of Mind After: Even More Depressed, Very Sad (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)/????(Wolfbrother)
Odd occurrences before: Third-Eye Light, Issues with Wolfbrother
Odd occurrences after: Extreme Groginess, Knee Pain


I must be stupid, although I made sure to close my self off to my wolfbrother....I still care. As with my mother I cannot fault the mentally ill....I will not condemn them for their hurtful actions, but neither will I accept there benign actions either. In his state both are illusions, and at this point I only care for what was. I went to see him on Saturday because I was concerned, he did not answer....but when  I got home he called me to pick him up. I let him know that I drove there and back, and if he wanted to I would get him on Monday. He agreed and that is what I did with some difficulties.

Although I did agree, he is currently spending time. He is behaving in his unusual manner, which is stressful.
However, I deserve no better....so I proceed. I digress....emotional moment.

So as we are going to sleep I am having trouble because 1) a female voice called out my name, 2) there was glowing lights when i closed my eyes...mostly violet and purple, and some green. Finally out of sadness of the situation I feel asleep and had a few dreams. These dreams were non-sensical as they were in regards to my mother, grandmothers, tuna sandwiches, and my wolfbrother. I think there was a comparison to my mother about him, and that he is hurting me despite the fact I care for him. In the morning i attended to my duties and saw my other guest off and went back to bed.

This where it gets weird because as I am falling asleep there is a weird hum and I am snapped paralyzed and then I wake up. I wake up in a doctors office, and my wolfbrother and I are in a room. He is sitting in a padded dentist chair and strapped. Their is a female nurse in purple, light tan skin and black hair sitting down writing information. There is another female nurse in white assisting the doctor examing my wolfbrother. He is also in white stocky guy, balding light brown greying hair and glasses.There is also some thing standing in the doorway observing. I look around again and ask "Where am I?". The nurse in purple says "Wow, you are awake. That shouldn't be possible. Do you know where you are?". I say "I just feel very tired, my aunt has been sick and I am very worried about "Wolfbrother"." I look and motion to them. She says "Well good thing for both of you, we found you. You are a hard person to find "call me be name"." I look at what she is writing down and I look to what they are injecting "Wolfbrother" with. "Thorazine? What is Thorazine? Why are you giving him that?", I ask out of confusion. She looks to the thing in the doorway "You are right, he is different. This won't hurt a bit. Just stay still",  she says as the thing in the doorway comes toward me. I can't move or get up, I begin to yell as it touches me "Get off. Get off me. Don't touch me!" My wolfbrother looks at me blankly and says "It is alright "calls me by my name", just be yourself". I struggle and my focus shifts and I am laying down but still stuck in between. I calm down and focus, and open my mouth....I yell out for my wolfbrother. He says it is "Ok" nothing else.....I wake up and turn away crying and fall back to sleep.

I looked up Thorazine, as I had no idea what it was. It seems it does have some meaning concerning my wolfbrother's issues.

  

Rushed Pitch Sounds

Date: 1/30/2017
Type: CE4, Dream
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Time of Incidents: 12:30am-1:00 am
Attempted Time of Sleep:11:30pm (Me 11/29/17)/Aunt 11:00pm (Me 11/29/17)/Guest 12:30am
State of Mind Before: Heartbroken, Very Depressed (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)
State of Mind After: Depressed, Sad (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)
Odd occurrences before: Issues with Wolfbrother
Odd occurrences after: Extreme Groginess

In all honesty their are issue with the following experience that I am not sure of as there are several things which classify this as a dream, however there are also several issues which leaves the experience to be more than just a dream.

Due to the events of the past couple of weeks my mood has been low, I feel I lost my best friend and someone I grew to care for. In addition I was also recently a target of an elaborate masquerade as well. I would say that this has not helped with my depression issue and left many more scars and my faith in humanity at even lower levels than they can be. So my habits are off and I am not doing so great. This night I put my aunt to bed early and my guest had yet to arrive back from work. I went to be early and just lay there waiting to go to bed. Around 11:45am my guest arrived and he entered the kitchen and was on the computer.

Around 12:30am though as I was falling alseep I was targeted with an intense ringing in both ears. Unlike before where it began softly, this was an intense build it up coming from the area of the bathroom and rushed toward me. I instantly panicked and regained control, but I was paralyzed. I tried fighting and struggling, thinking "This is my room!. Get Out! Leave me Alone! I live here!". However nothing phased them. The troubling thing is that something also rushed out of the bathroom, several of them....I was unable too see but I sensed more than two in my room. What ever happened I was soon free, I tried calling out for help. I was very, very groggy and had to prop myself up using the shelf. I made my way to the door and turned the bedroom lights on. I steadied myself against the door frame. I opened the door and no one was in the kitchen and I turned on the hall lights. My canine friend was there wondering what happened. I picked him up and made my way through the kitchen heading to my aunt's room. Before I got to my aunts room, everything transitioned. I was at some beach, a lady asked for my canine friend so she could put him back.
Hesitantly I let her carry him and she left. Then I blacked out.

I woke up and it was 1:30am. I was very groggy and my legs were a bit unsteady. I got up to check on my canine friend, he was asleep and no one was in the kitchen. I made my way to my aunt's room. She was awake, and she was in pain. I gave her medicine and asked everything was okay. She said she was just in pain and nervous, but would not tell me why. Later the next day I questioned my guest if anything unusual happened, he said around 12:30am is when he went to bed.

-The things that make this seem like just a dream was the fact that when this occurred my guest was awake, my canine friend was in it, and my aunt noticed nothing.
-The things that make this seem more than just a dream is my guest apparently went to sleep as soon as this started and left the kitchen area, my body suffered some stress, my canine friend was sound asleep, and my aunt was anxious and would not tell me.