White Static Update

As mentioned on the 7/27/19 account I had a visit. Over the past two weeks as a result of the visit I have had a sinus issue only on the right side of my face. The eye, temple, jaw, teeth are all in pain as if I have a Sinus Infection/Tetanus. So far its been over two weeks with the pain coming and going with great discomfort. Not only have I been having physical issues, but very vivid dream activity as well....
many of the dreams involve old friends, activities, and certain narratives that have come up before.

One of the most bothersome one I think is a screen memory that surfaced. Apparently when I was younger we had a small red shed, like a barn. Inside was a lawnmower in which you could ride to mow the lawn.
My grandmother had bought this lawnmower, and their was a guy who gave me lessons. He was dressed like a cowboy; jeans, boots, hat, and a colored denim shirt. Nothing bright...blues and greys, brown boot, and a vanilla hat. He instructed me a few times and we would mow the lawn. At the end we would walk to a gate so I could go home. It was a steel gate like for a horse enclosure. When it would open blue lights would flash at the bottom and red lights at the top. I could not see and source where these flashing lights would come from. I would feel apprehensive about this part. It was like I realized where I was.

The big red flag is that we never had a need for that type of a lawnmower, and my grandmother had no red shed or even need for that. However this memory was old and was done over several times.Multiple instances came flooding back to me.... and I felt horrible when I was awake. I was shaking and wanted to cry cause I knew "Shit. That is a screen memory. I remember. what the hell!!!???".

I been in severe depressive state over my wolfbrother, in pain over what they did on 7/27/19, and trying to cope with my responsibilities. Things are getting hard. Today some guy almost ran into me causing me to crash my car into the curb. Luckily no one was hurt, no contact between me on the jerk, and no damage to my car. Life is just messed up.