Nose Bleeds and Kidney Issues

Date: 3/3-5/2017
Type: CE4
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Time of Incidents: 4:00am (Me)/4:00am (Aunt)/N/A(Guest)
Attempted Time of Sleep: 12:00am (Me)/12:00am (Aunt)/1:00am(Guest)
State of Mind Before: Very Depressed, Worried (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)/N/A(Guest)
State of Mind After: Very Depressed, Anxious (Me)/ Depressed, In Pain (Aunt)
Odd occurrences before: Insomnia, Kidney Issues, High Body Temperature, Wolfbrother Issue, Pops and Knocks
Odd occurrences after: Nose Bleed(s)

The Year of the Rooster fits my horoscope so far, it has not been pleasant at all. Personally I am devastated and very depressed, the only grace is the convincing facade I can put up and my dedication to my obligations. On top of this there are other worries on the burner, the possible Obamacare Penalty for one looming the largest. I am under a lot of stress, my wolfbrother was one of the few outlets that helped out greatly....

The past couple of days and nights my body temperature has been up to the point where the A/C has to go on. My kidneys hurt and when I do sleep it is fitful.The odd pops and knocks occur, but I try to ignore them.
Sadly I am reminded constantly "I am alone", I don't mind that as I was accustomed to fighting this on my own. However, my association with my wolfbrother has made me vulnerable.Needless to say I am numb, I mental recognize what has happened, how I should respond....but there is nothing I can do. I run scenarios over and over, looking for away to fix everything. I am trying to keep busy, but this 'curse' slaps me back to reality...."I am alone, and it is me against them".

The past three nights despite that I am sleeping early and take cat naps...I wake up between 3:45am and 4:00am. I feel something is amiss, I hear activity of things being opened and closed in the bathroom and kitchen, footsteps around the house and in the kitchen. I also have had nosebleeds in my right nostril, from what I can tell there is a small laceration/prick mid-way up the nasal passage. Besides that, my eyes, throat, and nose have been extremely dry when I wake up. Mind you I been hydrating myself due to the kidneys and high temperature, yet I feel as if someone used mucinex on me. I am also waking up with my feet moved to the right, where it has moved the sheets and undercovers.

The only odd dream to report is the following from last night:

Dream 1) I was at Michael Jackson funeral. He was wearing a red blouse and black pants laying on a white bed. He was dead. As I was standing there his body disappeared in a white flash of light, and I knew "they" moved him. I was told by a man in a dark suit that is was part of F.A.M.E Co., and that his body was moved to Area 115 for processing.

Dream 2) I was an my mother's apartment, it was early morning. During the day I had walked here from my grandmother's house and fell asleep. I was looking for my wolfbrother. I feel so alone. If I find him we would be okay. I am about 12, I know they been switching us. My wolfbrother will show up and they will take me, he needs to wake up so we can fight back. None of this is real. They are here, I lock the front door of the apartment and hide on the couch. They are coming in through the back, through the kitchen. My wolfbrother is with them,  they use him to find me. I wake up.....I am sad and want to cry. I go back to sleep.  

Humanity sucks....

I know there are good people out there. Those that have been kind are far away, and I do appreciate their care and concern. I do not forget that, yet it is distant starlight. Around me though there is nothing but absolute emptiness, only what I have to fill a void. As many you know over the past months I have been struggling with a situation, which has lead to other situations. I have tried to be analytical, I have tried to be patient, I have tried to be understanding, however in the end I realize I am alone. Even when I try to reach out, I grasp at clouds. Those who I thought were allies are illusions, the one person I thought who was real just used me for their own gain and accord. I am accused and made a scapegoat of their own delusions.
What succor I tried to find was also an illusion, there is no rest, no warmth, no comfort. I did my best, that all I can do. Yet in itself that has not been enough. I am done dealing with humanity. I no longer trust anyone, no will let my heart be open. If I am to be alone, then I shall survive and thrive in the darkness without anyone.
I cannot trust anyone, so what is the point. I should just concentrate on my obligations and care not for the world. It is truly over, I heart cannot bleed if there is no blood left to pump through, you cannot be cold if there is no warmth. I only have myself and what I am expected to do.


asas