Library Access Log Book

Date: 4/1/2016
Type: CE4, Dream
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Time of Incidents: 7:00am (Wood Rabbit)
Attempted Time of Sleep: 7:00am (Wood Rabbit)
State of Mind Before: Sad, Hurt (Wood Rabbit)
State of Mind After: Confused, Hurt (Wood Rabbit)
Odd occurrences before: None
Odd occurrences after: Dream.
Possible Influential Factors: Previous Weeks issues

I am in a reading cell again. This time it is a logbook dating back some six years ago. I don't wanna read this book. The foxes that are around know I am sad. I have been crying again.

The book tells of an event which took place with "Them". I was in a white room standing. I couldn't move or turn around. In front of me was a wall sized monitor. It activated and various scenes of people from all walks of life were be shown. Specific people. These people were doing everyday things from walking, having dinner, on the computer, driving, male, female, young, old, etc. When the scenes of a specific person popped up, some information was shown: Name, Age and Date of Birth, Location, Special Qualities, Disadvantages, Male, Female, Blood Type, Race. It cycles through a person about every 3-5 seconds. I was being asked to "choose". I said "No" immediately. There was a quick explanation as to what this was about. Something about Improvements, something that would be done to me. There was a very brief chart on me and what things I needed to "Improve" me. I said "No". They seemed irritated. Again it was emphasized for me to choose.

I said "No, what happens to them." They would not answer. They threatened to take away from me, I said "No" still. Instead they began selecting individuals, three ideal males came out from the screen selections. They began to come near me, hug me, feel safe, and caress me. They told me choose. The introduction of this sensory input made me angry, I started seeing "red" and I said "No". They were very confused, this soft, gentle, love, they were showing had an unintended reaction. I was furious, they didn't understand. I hurt so badly when this occurred, I am enraged. I start pacing back and forth. The individuals that came out of the screen vanished. I began pacing back and forth, they were trying to regain control. I was going back and forth slowly, they were trying to get me to stop, was going to hurt myself. They crossed the line. It hurt so bad, lies, it hurts, rage.... the monitors were still cycling through selections. I stopped and calmed down focusing on an image. It was ---. I heard from the back and got the impression "Yes", "How did we come across?", "They have history", "He [---] can manipulate him [me] to say yes". 

I wake up. It was very hard to remember this. I was angry-sad, didn't want to write down.
Fragments were texted, but became clear afterwards. I want to forget this one ever happened.