Saturday, August 24, 2024

CPTSD Triggered by minor Incident

Date: 8/12/2024
Type: CE4
Location: Los Angeles, CA, 90023
Time of Incidents: 8:00pm to 8:30pm
Attempted Time of Sleep: 7:45pm
State of Mind Before: Tired
State of Mind After: Me (CPTSD Trigger), Wolfbrother (Confused), Aunt (N/A)
Odd occurrences before: Wolfbrother Seeing things, Unusually sleepy
Odd occurrences after: Unable to sleep for 48 hours

Over the past two months there has been some odd dreams, but nothing too unusual. Most of the activity compared to the past has been slight. My main focus has been taken care of my aunt and wolfbrother, and per-occupied with them which leaves me most of the time too tired to care. My responsibilities with my wolfbrother have been a point of contention, as he is causing a disruption to my limited sleep and recover scheduled. Every once in a while I do need to step back and rest or refresh with some alone and downtime by escaping. However, I do not like alone time where I retreat to our auxiliary unit as I fear I will be targeted. Most of the time there is no apprehension, but the past weeks I really do not want to be there. Besides the odd apprehension, my interests in my own activities have waned and not that I have a weird feeling of ambivalence overall. It is as if I am worried about something, I am hearing and seeing things...but intentionally ignoring it..yet aware of it. I do not feel well, but I have responsibilities and just continue on.

Today's incident was unexpected and unusual. Our overall day began as appointment with his doctor. We got some food, came home watched a movie, and took a nap. Since it is summer and hot, we have been sleeping during the day and active more at night. So when we finally got home he/we relaxed and watched a movie. I was not interested and was oddly tired. I lay down as he watched the movie. Tossing and turning, just laying there... I was being told to sleep.... but I didn't want.... and it was not reasonable for me to leave....though I should...but I shouldn't cause of the heat.... so I am told I need to SLEEP. When the movie was over I tried to get up and play a game to relax so I could process the request and sleep. However I wasn't allowed to do that as the string urge to sleep kept coming and body was shutting down. I let my wolfbrother know and we took a nap.

Dream 1

I soon found myself dreaming. However, I felt strangely lucid. It was Christmas time and I was over my evil aunt's house. No one was there except for myself and her. I didn't want to be here, especially dealing with her. As I started to walk to the door to leave she attacked me. I quickly defend myself and realized this is really not what I expected. She was growling and drooling. For some reason I saw this as some sort of demonic possession, and immediately started to exorcise her. I battled back and held her against the couch, I started to recite an exorcism ritual and tried to get through to her. I tried to remove the demon from her body. I tried to reach her as a person....

Dream 2

The scene shifted. I was walking in an abandon downtown area of a city with very high buildings. There were two female blonde nurses in white 60's gown stabbed on the street in front of an abandoned school. Young blonde girls in grey smocks were examining the area and doing forensics on how the nurses died. Six of them in total, with tiny brushes sweeping the crime scene. They looked at me, yet continued to do there odd work. There was a young boy with a board running a scam, all you to do was pick the highest black number. If you were correct you win a prize and someone dies. He kept telling me it was my turn and I had play now. I didn't want to, and he said it would be worse if I refused. So I said fine and went over to one of the girls and told here to pick the black circle that was at the bottom. He was upset, as all the high black numbers were hidden within the black circle. Since I didn't technically pick the numbers, we were all free to go.

 Dream 3

Apparently Wolfbrother had been with me before and I was pushing him on our journey. The abandoned downtown area opened up into a more populated and cleaner area. There were lots of activity with people moving about. We passed a pyramid that looked like a car wash. The carpets here were wet, and the manager came out to yell at us about tracking water all of the place in his wheelchair. We got the carpets dirty too and then he realized that I was with Wolfbrother. He became very irritate saying that "Why are you still with him and you shouldn't be here". It was a short very looking man that was off. I was already upset and told him "I am he who is like he who is like he who is like he who is like he....." and he began to panic. I banished him somewhere and told Wolfbrother we need to go. The other employees at the car wash were happy I got rid of the manager and wanted us to go to the theatere next to "fix" things there. I told them not right now and tried to head home. For some reason we went to a high rise, went through the lobby and to the elevators to get to floor 24 where Wolfbrother's apartment was, however it was a large area about 40ft by 60f't with windows all around. There was a grey carpet, no furniture, could not see outside windows. Wolfbrother was left in elevator. Soon the entire floor titled and I feel face down. I soon realized that this was not a dream  and began to panic. I made this odd statement "Remember your training, you know how to deal with these stressors. Rationalize what is going on and complete your task. Complete the mission. You cannot let them win."

Dream 4

I wake up in my room. It is bright. The room seems off as basic furniture is place where it should be, but none of the decorative of accent items are there. There is a little puppy that runs up to me and is scarred. I ask whats wrong and hold it close to my chest. There is a weird signal noise and I look immediate to the bedroom door and try to get up. Some one says "They are here [my name]." and the door opens. The hallway is off and brightly light, I can see the floor color is there but not the tile... the rose color wall is there but the hallways is blocked off halfway by some weird pinkish membrane. From behind me, two beings lift me up on either side and one behind me pushes me forward. We head toward the bathroom. They are wearing dark brown robes. I know who there are and begin singing/chanting to fend them off. As we enter the bathroom its all fractal mirrors, I can see them clearly and myself in the reflections. We are going up in a spiral, about two rotations up before there is interference from the waking world via my Wolfbrother.

Real World...

Apparently I woke up Ryan, was making a lot of noise. He was worried because he saw something in the room, but did not want to wake me up. However when I started chanting/singing/thrumming.... he threw RDE at me to bonk me awake. On my end...I felt it and quickly fell out of the corridor that they were taking me up. They looked back as I feel away from them. I had my left eye open and my right eye closed. I knew I was in my room with my Wolfbrother, but was unable to open my right eye as I was in two places at once. I was also getting feedback with my left eye..... I could still see the fractal corridor and them fading up into the distance. Also there was a bit of the arrival location from them as I started to pick up on one of their perspectives. They arrived on a railed circle platform within a dimly lit room. The rail around the circle was a smooth stainless steel, broken by three entry ways. Two walked out to a nearby console. The other stood in the center and though "Need to re-establish connection". During the ascent there was communication "Your brother. If we lose you. We have that".


Personal Note: For some odd reason this particular event has bothered me greatly. I was unable to go back to sleep. It started to bring up questions about my paternal visitations and earliest abductions. Why are there so little memories with my paternal visits? I have less than 20 memories.... I know the first two official incidents is with him.... in Irwindale and Santa Fe Dam.... there is a third incident possibly during the kidnapping "CA/AZ/NM/TX" were fireworks were following us during the day while driving in the mountains. My interest in doing anything is gone. I do not want to sleep but I have too...I do not feel well. I am unable to turn off. Something is wrong. After I hit the 35hour mark I am really worried, as I know I should feel tired....but I can't turn off to sleep. I am meditating to make sure my body is functional, but again now usual interest. I need to keep my responsibilities in taking care of my aunt and wolfbrother, 48 hour mark comes and still cannot sleep.... at 66 mark finally fall asleep for 4 hours. Over the next couple of days gradually returns to normal. Highly bothered.


  


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